


ZERO

by sweetcosmos



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Character Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentions of Death, Supernatural - Freeform, fantasy ish, i just want to protect lee donghyuck, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23171689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetcosmos/pseuds/sweetcosmos
Summary: Lee Donghyuck can see weird numbers on people’s heads when he touches their hands, later realizing that it was counting down the days people have left. One day, he accidentally touches a boy named Mark’s hand, only to see that he has no number.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 56
Kudos: 282





	1. Chapter 1

At 4, Lee Donghyuck’s mom realized that her son was going to be a great singer. When he sang Twinkle, Twinkle with his heart on his sleeve, little Donghyuck radiated like a 24-color palette. Both his parents staring in awe as they watched their 4-year old son sing the (wrong) words in a beautiful melody. Donghyuck made many friends at 4, it wasn’t so hard for someone like Donghyuck — or “Hyuck” as his friends would call him.

Everyone loved Lee Donghyuck. They loved the Donghyuck that wanted to live inside a star, the Donghyuck that gave his last piece of biscuit to the stray cats, the Donghyuck that would always let you be player 1. He would pick the prettiest flower in the garden and take care of it in a jar, then cry once it started wilting. Donghyuck's mother never had the heart to tell him that picking the flowers would lead to its withering.

Days with little Donghyuck were rather pleasant. He would wake up to the smell of pancakes cooking in the morning followed by a kiss on his mother's cheek. He would climb up a chair and dip his little finger on the bowl of batter,

"I think... this needs more milk!"

"I am so sorry, mister chef. Mommy will now add more milk as requested," Donghyuck's mother giggled as she gets a carton of milk.

"Mommy is forgiven."

Donghyuck's father would come down the stairs a few minutes later, fixing his tie. His father went to work at 8 while Donghyuck went to school at 10. His dad would turn on the espresso maker, causing Donghyuck's to scrunch up his nose. He _hated_ bitter things. After his father finished his toast and coffee, Donghyuck would kiss him goodbye (rather quickly to avoid the strong scent of coffee).

Then at 8, Donghyuck started dancing. He stood up on the stage, big sparkly letters forming “JUNIOR TALENT SHOW” glowing right behind him. He moved gracefully like a flower flowing with the movement of the water. It was like he was born to do this. Young Donghyuck bloomed with talent after talent. He made a lot of friends from dance, but there was one special friend above the others.

Na Jaemin was Donghyuck’s first best friend. They were the same age and met in dance class. They were both bright boys who would often hang out after class to get ice cream. It wasn’t long enough until Donghyuck and Jaemin’s parents let them come over each other’s houses almost every weekend. Donghyuck would often bring toys that he knew Jaemin would love. But little did he know that it wasn’t the toys that Jaemin loved, it was Donghyuck himself. He simply loved being with him that he ended up loving anything Donghyuck introduced to him. Jaemin’s mom would order pepperoni pizza for them and Donghyuck would always give Jaemin the first slice.

“This is your favorite, right?” Donghyuck beamed, giving Jaemin the first slice. Jaemin knew his mother ordered it for Donghyuck since he _hated_ pepperoni.

“It is!” Jaemin answered with the biggest smile on his face.

Months later, Jaemin had to move away. His father got a job offer from out of town and god, Donghyuck cried so hard that day. Donghyuck and Jaemin exchanged friendship letters that they promised to read when they meet again in the future. Donghyuck’s parents waved them off as Donghyuck hugged his mom’s leg, staining it with his tears.

At 13, Donghyuck realized he was gay. Developing a crush on his quote-end quote “stupid senior” named Wong Yukhei. They didn’t actually _talk_ to each other in person. It was more of a “Hey junior, heading for lunch? Okay cool, have a nice day.” conversation. Donghyuck couldn’t figure out why he had to develop a crush on someone he barely even knew. It was something about the way he smiled at everyone. Donghyuck knew that Yukhei was nice to everyone and that he wasn’t really special, considering he probably greeted like 20 people every morning. But Donghyuck has never seen anyone so consistently genuine.

Yukhei was the school’s star player in Basketball and lived just 2 blocks away from Donghyuck. It was impossible to _not_ see him everyday going to school. After 4 months of Donghyuck’s unrequited crush, Yukhei’s graduation day came. Donghyuck finally built up the courage to tell him how he felt.

“Hyung, I have liked you for a while now. I’m not really expecting for a reply. I just wanted to tell you how I feel. So thank you for being nice to me all these months.” That was it. Donghyuck’s first confession. Yukhei smiled his usual bright smile he exchanged with him every morning. Donghyuck felt relieved. He knew he liked the right person.

“Thank you, Hyuck. I didn’t really know so I’m sorry if I ever hurt you in any way. I’m also sorry because I can’t reciprocate your feelings. Oh, and I’m also leaving town soon. I got an athletic scholarship from the school I’ve always wanted to go to. Gotta take that chance, you know? Anyway, you’ll meet more people in the future. I hope you meet someone who can finally return your feelings. Be safe, Hyuck.” He pats his head and gave him one last smile.

Donghyuck never saw him again. But he would often smile at the photos Yukhei posted on his Instagram. He liked this one photo where he was wearing his jersey and holding a trophy for being the star player of the school, the caption was _“Blessed.”_. That was so like him. Donghyuck also mustered up the courage to finally come out to his parents. Deep down, they both kinda knew. But they didn’t want to tell Donghyuck that, they wouldn’t want to rid him of the moment he finds out that both his parents accepted him for he was.

Life was going well for Donghyuck.

_It was until he turned 16._

Donghyuck woke up from the continuous knocking at his bedroom door. There was sweat dripping from his forehead and Donghyuck took a moment to process what was currently happening. He sat there for a while, trying to remember the dream he had last night. Only to no avail. It was a shame, Donghyuck wanted to write down his dreams on the dream journal he kept in his nightstand drawer. He glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall.

_6th of June._

It was his birthday.

Donghyuck smiled to himself. It was probably his mother knocking on the door.

“Coming!” He called out.

He got up and brushed his teeth, hurriedly changing into his clean, grey sweatpants and a white shirt. He headed down the stairs of the house he grew up in. Everyone was there. His friends from P.E and choir were in the living room of his house, they all turned to look at Donghyuck as they heard his footsteps rush down the stairs. Donghyuck smiled at the sight of all his friends. It wasn’t a grand party and Donghyuck liked it that way. Donghyuck’s mother came out of the kitchen with a white cake with sunflower fondant on the sides. The candle with the number 16 was lit up and Donghyuck grinned with excitement.

“Happy birthday, Hyuck,” Donghyuck’s father smiled.

“Make a wish, my love,” Donghyuck’s mother said.

Donghyuck closed his eyes to make a wish. There wasn’t really anything he wanted, he was happy with his current life right now. In that moment, all Donghyuck wished for was everything to remain as it is.

Maybe he shouldn’t have done that.

He blew the candles followed by the cheering and applause of his friends. Donghyuck’s dad took his phone and handed it to one of Donghyuck’s friends.

“Can you take a picture of us three?” Donghyuck’s friend nodded. Donghyuck’s father put his arm around Donghyuck and Donghyuck's mother held his hand tightly, “Happy birthday, love.” Donghyuck smiled brightly at the camera.

“Look at us! Hyuckie you’re growing tall so fast,” Donghyuck’s mom pouted as they looked at their newly-taken photo. Donghyuck's giggling came to a stop as he saw a glowing number 2 on his mom’s head. It wasn’t too bright, but the green made it so easy to notice. Donghyuck looked around. No one seemed to be showing any reactions. He rubbed his eyes twice, but the number 2 doesn’t seem to be disappearing. Donghyuck decided to ignore it just for today, just so his parents wouldn’t go out of their ways and worry on Donghyuck’s special day.

__________

The next day came and Donghyuck immediately noticed that the number 2 that was once on his mother’s head became a glowing number 1 instead.

“Mom, can you see it?” Donghyuck asked.

“See what, dear?”

“Nevermind.”

Donghyuck walked up to his mother and swayed his hands on top her head, in hopes of getting to touch the number. He couldn’t touch it. It was just there. He opened the fridge to get himself some milk for his cereal.

“Mom, I think I’m sick,” Donghyuck said as he took a spoonful of milk and cereal into his mouth. Donghyuck’s mom turned to look at the boy. She walked up to him and placed her palm on his forehead.

“You’re not warm. How are you feeling?”

“Dunno, jus sheeing weird shtuff,” Donghyuck said with food in his mouth.

“Have you been getting enough sleep? And please don’t talk while chewing”

Donghyuck swallowed, “Well, no. But I’ve never experienced anything like this.”

“Okay. We’ll go see a doctor tomorrow.”

Donghyuck rushed up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door shut. He sat down on his desk chair and turned on his gaming computer. He opened Google to look for a forum online about the weird happenings lately.

_QUESTION: I’m seeing weird numbers on top of people’s head plz help_

A few minutes later, Donghyuck’s computer received a couple of notifications from the forum. He clicked on his post to check the replies.

_Anon: WTF  
Anon: LOLOL u read too much sci-fi  
Anon: I see them, too. It’s soo annoying.  
Anon: r u trolling?  
Anon: go see a doctor…_

Donghyuck sighed. He decided to wait it out until tomorrow.

__________

It was the day Donghyuck was supposed to get checked. The number Donghyuck saw has now turned into a 0. Donghyuck felt relived at the idea that maybe it was going to disappear the next day. Donghyuck was patiently waiting in the car as his mother locked up the house. He played with his phone for a while until he heard the car door open.

_"Let's go."_

It all happened so quickly, too quickly for Donghyuck to even process.

One moment, there was clear skies shining brightly on the ground under the wheels of a car, then there was darkness. The moment Donghyuck's mother turns to him to ask how he was feeling was the opportunity she lost to evade the overtaking truck with blaring horns. Fortunately, Donghyuck's mother was fast enough to maneuver the car even a little so the point of impact would be at her side of the car. The loud crash came followed by the car swerving out of control to the far side of the road. Donghyuck was fleetingly aware of the bloody taste in his mouth and everything around him started to feel like a blur. It was that stretched moment, then it was _silence_. It terrified Donghyuck more than the excruciatingly sharp pain he felt at the side of his head. His mother was supposed to be calling out to him. As he turned his head slowly to check on his mother, it was that moment Donghyuck finally understood the recent occurrence he encountered.

The glowing 0 on his mother's head started fading. Donghyuck getting no reply from his mother made it terrifying clear that it was too late. The numbers he had been seeing was counting down days people had. He blamed himself. That was the final thoughts Donghyuck had in his head before darkness completely overcame his vision.

Then Donghyuck saw his mother.

Then he saw blood.

Then it was nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! so this is my first au so sorry if it's not that great!! just a heads up that i am in no way affiliated with the characters in my story and their personalities are based from my characters. i am in no way saying the boys are like this irl that's all i hope you enjoy :) my twitter is @hyvucks if you want to follow me


	2. Chapter 2

The moment Donghyuck opened his eyes and saw the distressing white walls surrounding him, he felt sharp pain course through his head. The sight of hospital walls made him utterly sick. Donghyuck’s eyes met his father’s sleeping ones as he was sleeping in a very uncomfortable position on the hospital couch. Donghyuck could see the the dark circles forming under his eyes. Donghyuck cleared his throat, causing his father’s eyes to shoot open.

“Are you okay? Should I call the nurse? Do you remember who I am?” Donghyuck’s head started to ache more as his father bombarded him with questions.

“Water.” Donghyuck said. Donghyuck’s father got up and poured a glass of water. Donghyuck finished the glass in one go, setting it down on the table beside him. His heart started to race, as he started to recall all the events that just took place. Donghyuck finally spoke, trying to avoid the pained look on his father's face as much as possible, “Where is she?”.

His father paused, looking down at the ground. He softly said, “She didn’t make it, Donghyuck. You should rest.”

Donghyuck’s anger started to boil, “Why aren’t you mad at me? This is all my fault, you know? You should be yelling at me! Why aren’t you crying, dad?”

“Donghyuck. It’s not your fault,” Donghyuck’s father looked at the poor boy. He was looking down, hands clenched tightly into a fist.

“Cry, dad. Why aren’t you crying? Please, cry,” Donghyuck said, looking up to meet his father’s eyes. Tears started to form in Donghyuck’s eyes, “Please cry, dad.”

With that, a tear rolled down his father’s cheek. Then the rest, like an unbroken stream. His father sank down to his knees next the hospital bed, “I miss her, Donghyuck. I really do.” Donghyuck’s dad broke into a sob. His hand reached for his father’s shoulder, giving it a light tap.

“I’m sorry, dad. I’m really sorry.”

__________

The 3 years went by painfully slow. 2 weeks after being discharged, Donghyuck told his dad that he didn’t want to go to school anymore. His father respected the decision, heart clenching a little, knowing his son had to deal with such a heavy loss. Days were more silent in the house, his father engaging in light conversations. “So,” his dad began, his fork clanking on the plate, “What do you want to eat tomorrow? I have no work. I can prepare meals you like,” He said, wiping his mouth with the napkin.

“I’m fine with anything, dad. I’m done eating, thanks for the meal,” Donghyuck said, hastily getting up and rushing up the stairs. He slammed the door shut, throwing himself onto the bed. He turned to the side, seeing the old family picture they took when they went to Lotte World. His mother and father were smiling, each holding ice cream in their hand. Donghyuck, on the other hand, was pouting at his loss of ice cream, due to the terrible colds he had that day. Donghyuck’s hand reached for the picture, his finger went to where his mother was standing, slightly grazing over the protective glass. He missed her. He missed her so much, but all he can do was cry and blame himself. Donghyuck never attended her funeral a week later the accident — at least that’s what they all thought. Donghyuck was outside the funeral hall, breaking down into broken sobs. The thing is, as much as he tried, Donghyuck couldn’t bring himself to tell his dad about the numbers, let alone anyone. Donghyuck started deleting all his SNS applications on his phone, mentally bidding goodbye to Yukhei’s Instagram posts. He liked it better this way. He already dropped out of school so he might as well delete all possible means of communication. It wasn’t that he disliked his friends, he just hated the idea of them asking what happened or how he was feeling. No matter how many times they asked him how he was, it was like he was programmed to answer the same thing every single time — that he was okay.

Donghyuck took up online classes for the remaining highschool years, just to get the diploma he wanted, well, his dad wanted. He told him that he might want consider entering university one day, earning a shrug from Donghyuck. He did not like the idea of going to university, but he felt bad for his father. He had the privilege to stay at home and do absolutely nothing while his father had no choice but to move on to provide for the both of them. Donghyuck was always worried about him. Donghyuck would go to sleep before his father, but he would get up before Donghyuck. One thing that bothered Donghyuck the most was that his quote-end quote “stupid smile” never left his face. Donghyuck celebrated his 17th and 18th birthday like it was a regular day, his father ordering two boxes of pepperoni pizza and renting some local DVDs for both of them to watch, only greeted by Donghyuck’s “Dad, you do know that we have Netflix, right?”. His father only shushed him, saying it ruined the “feel”.

For the 3rd year since the accident and after months of convincing, Donghyuck finally agreed to entering university. Followed by the decision to finally move to the city. It was a decision Donghyuck made as he was scrolling through internet forums, one particular comment saying people don’t really care about you in university.

Then they decided to move since Donghyuck was about to enter university. A “fresh start”, as his father would say. After years of living without his mother, Donghyuck decided to tell his father about the numbers, right as they were starting to put all their things in giant boxes for the movers to bring.

“Dad, will you believe me if I say something crazy?” Donghyuck said as he started putting all the books in the living room in a big box.

“Yes, Hyuck. Of course. What is it?”

“But it’s _really_ crazy,” Donghyuck added, stopping for a while to face his father. Donghyuck’s father cut the tape that was closing one of the boxes.

“Go on,” His father was facing him now.

“Before you tell me that it wasn’t my fault that, you know, mom passed - I think you need to hear this. Remember my birthday? My 16th one. Okay so when we took that photo of the three of us, I think that was during that time," Donghyuck paused for a moment, trying to recall the events before the numbers, "Wait, yes, it was definitely that time. When I looked at mom she had this glowing number 2 on her head. I swear it was a glowing number 2, no one saw it though, not even mom. Just me. I thought I was going _insane_. And at first, I just didn’t wanna worry you both on my birthday so I waited it out until the next day, you know? It might have disappeared by then. But the next day the number 2 became a number 1 so I freaked out a little. I was like, ‘mom I’ve been seeing weird things’ and we decided to see a doctor the next day. It was like counting down everyday, does that make sense? Anyway-“

“Wait, Hyuck. Pause. You saw numbers? And it was counting down?” Donghyuck’s dad asked him, his voice laced half with curiosity and half with fear.

“Yes. Okay so moving on, so the next day it was a 0. I thought it was finally gonna disappear when it reaches 0, but um," Donghyuck trailed off, eyes locked to the ground. His chest started aching, but he needed to tell someone. There's no better person to know than his own father. Donghyuck continued, "that was the day we lost mom.” Donghyuck’s father believed him. He couldn’t understand why. He just knew Donghyuck wouldn’t lie about something like this. He did remember that day vividly, and Donghyuck never showed signs of any sort of illness.

“Do you see a number on top of my head right now?” Donghyuck’s father asked.

“No. It’s weird, right?. It was just mom.”

Donghyuck’s father went up the stairs, coming back a minute later with his phone in his hand.

“It was after the photo, right?” Donghyuck nodded. Donghyuck’s father stared at it for a few minutes. Then it came to him,

“Maybe it’s the hands? You touched her hands. But then again, why did it only start when you turned 16? Donghyuck come here.”

“Dad, I am not touching you hand,” Donghyuck furrowed his brows, unable to comprehend his father's intentions.

“We have to see if it still works,” Donghyuck’s father slowly said. Donghyuck's father walked towards him, causing him to take a step back, bumping the stacked up boxes behind him.

“What is wrong with you! I blame myself every single day for what happened to mom and now you want me to fucking know when you die? So what if it works and you die next week, huh? or the day after tomorrow? Dad, you're all I have left. Please don’t do this to me. I don't give a shit if it still works or it doesn't. I just want a normal life” Donghyuck was crying now.

His father stopped in his tracks, “Hyuck, I’m sorry. I won’t ask something like that again. It's just that I don’t want you to go through hell with this.. curse. I just wanted to know if you could still see it or if it was a one-time thing because I want you to live as normally as possible. I guess that was insensitive, I'm sorry. Let's go back to packing-" His father was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell.

Donghyuck wiped the tears from his eyes, “I’ll get it.”

“Delivery for Lee Donghyuck, please sign here.”

Donghyuck already knew the the delivery was for him since he spent most of his days ordering what he needed online. This time it was a grey sweater. Donghyuck took the pen the delivery guy was holding and his eyes widened when he felt his hand brush ever so slightly on the guy’s finger.

“No, no, no no, no. Fuck!” Donghyuck panicked.

“Sir, are you okay?” The delivery guy with a glowing 1097 said. That was about 3 years. Tears started welling up in his eyes again. The delivery guy stood there awkwardly as Donghyuck hurriedly signed the paper.

“I’m sorry. Be safe,” Donghyuck said before taking the package and closing the door.

“Hyuck?” His father asked.

“I saw it. I saw the numbers.”

Donghyuck’s father sighed, walking towards him and giving him a light hug.

“Please don’t hold my hand, dad.”

“Okay.”

__________

There are some findings Donghyuck has compiled about his… condition.

1\. He can only see the number when he gets in contact with their hands. Even the slightest touch.

2\. He can’t see his own number, that was a breath of fresh air for Hyuck.

3\. Once he touches someone’s hands, the numbers never disappear until it reaches 0. Poor Donghyuck, he had to see the same delivery guy again when his dad purchased a new kitchen set online.

4\. It only works on people — Donghyuck had to try it to the 2 stray cats found home in their yard.

5\. Lastly, he can’t change the number. No matter how hard he tried. This was when he accidentally touched the hands of someone who worked the cashier over 2 years ago. That was one of the few times that Donghyuck needed to go out to buy some milk for his cereal, his dad still being at work. Her number glowed 7. It was like all the color drained from Donghyuck’s face. He broke down that day, screaming at the cashier. But no matter how loud or how many times he screamed at her, telling her to not leave the house the next week, she only looked at him as if he was mentally ill. The next week, Donghyuck saw the news of a girl who worked as a cashier being shot during a robbery. It was then when Donghyuck refused to leave the premises of his house. His father went home to a Donghyuck wrapped in thick blankets and watching whatever sitcom he stumbled upon on Netflix.

Donghyuck’s father never told him, but he missed the way Donghyuck was before. He barely spoke to anyone as he lost all communication with his friends. Hell, he probably wasn’t even ready to enter university. Donghyuck also lost so much weight, shrugging off his father’s encouragement to eat more. But no matter how many times his father showed concern at his eating habits, Hyuck would just say that he wasn't hungry. His father couldn’t blame him, the emotional and mental weight it must be for Hyuck after the things he had witnessed.

“You’re going to be okay, Hyuck. And if you’re not, just tell me,” His dad reassured. Donghyuck was getting ready for his first day of university. He kept pacing around the living room, clutching his phone in his hand. He checked his phone to check the time and took one deep breath.

“I’m going.”

“See you later. Call me when you need anything.”

It was freshmen orientation week, so the campus was packed. Lively banners were attached to the university walls with a tacky “Welcome, Freshmen!” written in bold, striking colors. There were also posters for groups and organizations the students could join in. Donghyuck walked awkwardly, both his hands in the pocket of his denim jacket. He could feel the stares coming from the people around him. Most of the students have already established their social circles. Donghyuck just wanted the day to get over with.

“Excuse me, would you like to join the debate club?” Donghyuck panicked as a random girl piped up in front of him. She was holding a flyer in her hands and Donghyuck knew better than to take something from someone’s hands. He had enough of that. Donghyuck smiled lightly and shook his head, making his way across the sea of people.

Donghyuck went to the bathroom to check his phone again, he was having trouble finding people from his department. He flinched as one of the doors to the bathroom stall flew open. A boy wearing a white button-up walked out, fixing the sleeves from his shirt. The boy looked at the bathroom mirror to check his appearance, then their eyes met.

“Lost?” The boy said. Donghyuck put his phone back into his pocket so that he could put his hands back inside his pockets. He nodded, the boy looked at him once he was done fixing his hair, “What’s your department?”

Donghyuck shifted awkwardly, “Arts management.”

Donghyuck’s heart was pounding. That was the longest time he’s been in a conversation with someone that was not his dad.

“Nice, we’re from the same department. I’m Renjun,” Renjun grinned. Donghyuck immediately stepped back when Renjun was about to grab his arm.

“Sorry,” they said simultaneously. Renjun chuckled lightly, “I’ll show you the way.”

Donghyuck followed the boy all the way to the far-end of the campus. When they neared the group of people chatting, the people turned to look at Renjun and the unfamiliar boy, greeting them both with smiles. Donghyuck’s hands started to feel clammy.

“This is… Sorry, what’s your name?”

“Uh, I’m Donghyuck. You can just call me Hyuck,” Donghyuck said. They all said their hello’s, only to be met by Donghyuck’s awkward smile and flustered laugh. Donghyuck felt bad for the people who tried to initiate a conversation with him. He lost Renjun a few minutes later, which was his queue to take a break from all the “interactions” and move to a place with less people.

Donghyuck sighed as he plopped himself down on one of the benches. He didn’t notice that there was someone next to him, causing Donghyuck to flinch when he heard the guy mutter a curse.

“Stupid.. Dumb…”

What he was saying was inaudible. The boy was skinny and tall, his eyes were fixated on the game he was playing on his phone. Donghyuck shifted uncomfortably, the person not noticing Donghyuck’s presence at all.

“Jisung! There you are,” Another boy called out. The guy sitting next to Donghyuck removed his earphones.

“Hyung! You left me to die. We could’ve won that and gotten chicken dinner,” the guy named Jisung rolled is eyes.

“Hey you weren’t going to make it anyway. Maybe if you stopped killing people for a second and focused on getting in the safe zone I wouldn’t have to ditch you.” Donghyuck turned to the boy this Jisung guy was talking to. His stomach dropped. It was the very familiar smile he grew up with for months. He was supposed to say something but the words wouldn’t come out. Besides the state of being completely speechless, Donghyuck’s bewildered eyes wouldn’t leave the figure. Before Hyuck could say anything more, the boy spoke.

“Hyuck?”

It was Jaemin.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't proofread this so sorry if there are any errors!

It was the Jaemin he grew up with for several months. The Jaemin that was always player 1. Donghyuck was in a trance, his heart was beating so loud — he was almost certain Jaemin could hear it. Donghyuck tried to think of things to say.

“It’s you, right?” Jaemin asked after noticing that Donghyuck couldn’t talk. He slowly nodded.

Donghyuck played with the cuff of his denim jacket. His eyes were everywhere but Jaemin’s.

“Hyuck, it’s been so long,” Jaemin approached the boy, doubt clouding in his thoughts, he seemed very different from the Donghyuck he knew. Jaemin was inches away from him now. The boy placed both hands in the pocket of his jacket, heart pounding against the walls.

“How have you been?” Donghyuck managed to say.

“Do you want to grab coffee later? Or do you still hate the smell of coffee?” Jaemin said, chuckling softly. Donghyuck’s heart sank at his words. This wasn’t supposed to be the way they get reunited. It was supposed to be a moment they’ll both cherish, like a wish that has been long awaited to be fulfilled. It was supposed to be overwhelming yet very familiar. Donghyuck’s thoughts went back to when they were 8, how bright and radiant everything was. He wanted to hang out with Jaemin more than Jaemin even realized.

“But it’s totally cool if you don’t want to! I mean, you probably feel awkward around me since it’s been —“

“Five,” Donghyuck suddenly spoke. Jaemin looked up at the boy with confusion, “Five?”

“I’ll meet you at the cafe across campus at five,” Donghyuck said, eyes widening after he realized what he’d said.

“Cool! Yeah, I’ll be there. Oh and this tall kid here is Jisung. Jisung this is Hyuck” Jaemin said, pointing at the boy who was once again fixated on his phone.

“Hi,” the boy looked up from his phone, bowing his head at Donghyuck. Donghyuck gave him a small smile, “Hi.”

“I have to go. I’ll see you around, yeah?” Jaemin said, the corners of mouth sliding upwards. He was still the same Jaemin and it hurt Hyuck more than it should. Jaemin walked the opposite direction, Jisung tagging along. Donghyuck chuckled to himself at the sight of the two boys walking away, Jisung looking kind of like a stray cat. Now Donghyuck’s alone again. He still hasn’t joined any clubs. If Donghyuck was the same Donghyuck from 3 years ago, he would’ve joined the performing arts club in a heartbeat. Now he has absolutely no idea which club has the least _physical contact_. Donghyuck got up from the bench and started walking around campus again, both hands in his pockets.

There were several booths lined up, one for each club. There were clubs like robotics, filmmaking, politics and even astrology — which Donghyuck found fascinating. Each booth had approximately three people managing and entertaining the students interested. Donghyuck’s eyes followed the booths lining up and stopped as he saw one booth with just one person and no line of students piling up around it, it was the classic literature club.

“Of course,” Donghyuck said to himself. It’s not that Donghyuck hated reading, it’s just that all his classes alone needed reading and now even his university club has reading involved. He shrugged the thought away, he was required to join a club and he had no other choice.

“Hi, um, where do I apply?” Donghyuck said. The boy was dressed in a black shirt accompanied by black ripped jeans. He looked up, adjusting his glasses that was sliding down the bridge of his nose, his eyes slowly disappeared as he smiled at the boy.

“Welcome! Please write your name, major, contact details, then sign here. ” The boy said, handing him a pen. Donghyuck stared at the thing in his hands, he didn’t want to touch the boy’s hands. He did not want to come off as disgusted if he took the pen, making it obvious he didn’t want any sort of physical contact. To Donghyuck’s luck, they were interrupted by a boy approaching the booth manager.

“Hey, Jeno! What time is the Freshmen welcoming party tomorrow?” The boy asked. Jeno placed the pen on the table as he searched for his phone, Donghyuck took the opportunity to pick the pen up. While the two boys were talking, Donghyuck noticed that he was going to be the first person to sign up. Donghyuck furrowed his brows and the boy’s eyes met Donghyuck’s, “Are you sure with your decision to join this club?”. The boy said, a little too serious for Donghyuck, Jeno hitting him in the arm.

“It’s 7pm tomorrow, now get lost!” Jeno said. Donghyuck chuckled awkwardly, he then turned to Jeno, proceeding to sign the registration letter.

“I’m Jeno by the way. Nice to meet you,” Jeno looked down at the registration paper, “Donghyuck.”

“Nice to meet you,” Donghyuck smiled at the boy. At the back of his mind, he wondered why there weren’t much people joining the club. It was true that classic literature was a weird choice for a club, but there has to at least be people who tried joining — also considering the fact that the booth manager was _extremely_ good-looking.

“Drop by the club room at 2pm. It’s just for short introductions,” Jeno said, waving at the boy.

Now Donghyuck didn’t know what to do with the rest of the afternoon.

“College was supposed to be fun,” Donghyuck said to himself. He sat down on one of the empty tables in the large cafeteria with a sandwich on his tray. He grabbed his phone and opened his messages. He felt like a fool, he had no conversations with anyone besides his dad and the delivery guy — who only texted because he couldn’t find their house. He thought about reinstalling his SNS applications, but he didn’t want to do it right now. Donghyuck noticed a girl walk towards his direction, but one thing that caught his eye was that her shoelace was untied.

“Um,” before Donghyuck could even call her out the girl stepped on her untied shoelace. Donghyuck’s natural instinct was to catch her, but he immediately withdrew his hands. He couldn’t do it. The girl landed on her knees, the tray tumbling over and dropping the juice carton and salad she ordered. Donghyuck picked up the carton of orange juice and picked up the tray to place it on his table. Donghyuck wanted to help her up, but all he could do was help her fix the mess. Donghyuck stayed silent as the girl tied her shoelace.

“Thanks,” She said. Donghyuck nodded. The girl left with her tray and Donghyuck sat back down on the chair. She probably thought that Donghyuck had no human decency, leaving a very frustrated Donghyuck. At the corner of his eyes, he saw a boy staring at him. Donghyuck turned to his direction, the boy immediately looking elsewhere. He recognized the boy from earlier at the booth. He was probably one of Jeno’s friends. Donghyuck sighed, standing up to buy something from the vending machine. He almost dropped the coke he was holding when he felt a tap on his shoulder, he turned around to see Renjun with a group of people.

“Freshmen party tomorrow 7pm. The Arts management party is gonna be held in the gym. Make sure you wear a white shirt! You can get the department jacket tomorrow,” Renjun said. Donghyuck nodded.

“See you, Donghyuck!” He said, running back to his friends. He stared at how Renjun smiled freely around the group of people he came with. Somehow, at the back of his mind, he thought of the way he used to be. He had just as much friends and he even smiled a lot.

Donghyuck finished his sandwich and coke and checked the time. It was almost 2pm, just in time for club orientation. Donghyuck was stuck in his made up contradiction that he shouldn’t be the first one to arrive, but he shouldn’t be the last one as well. Donghyuck paced around outside the door that had a sign that said _Classic Literature Club!!!!_ written in black sharpie. It was 4 minutes past 2 and Donghyuck couldn’t hear voices talking.

“Fuck it,” Donghyuck whispered, opening the door. There was a large table in the middle of the room and bookshelves on both sides of the room. The room looked cluttered with all the papers pinned on the bulletin board. Jeno looked up from the book he was reading, smiling as his eyes met his.

“Take any seat. You’re the only new member for this year Don’t worry, there are others. I’m not sure if they can make it today.” So Donghyuck really was the only one. Donghyuck took a seat on the chair across Jeno.

“I know your name, Lee Donghyuck. My name’s Jeno, Lee Jeno. I’m 19 and a Freshmen as well, but I know the ropes around here. I have to say,I’m surprised to have a Freshmen choose this club as their primary one. Why classic literature?”

He couldn’t tell him that he looked for a club with the least physical contact while maintaining a small population, that would seem weird.

“I want to try to get into reading, I guess. I’m weak so I can’t really join physical clubs,” Donghyuck shrugged.

“I see,” Donghyuck heard muffled conversations just from outside the door, “the other members are here,” Jeno said. The doors swung open, revealing an older boy and a girl.

“Oh! There’s a new member,” The girl gasped. The older boy stared at you, then at Jeno, then back at you.

“I’m Lee Taeyong,” the boy stretched his hand towards Donghyuck who only looked down at his lap. Taeyong scratched the nape of his neck, letting out a small laugh, “All good.”

“This is Donghyuck. Donghyuck this is Taeyong and Hyunjin. Taeyong’s a senior and Hyunjin’s a second year,” Jeno said.

“Hi,” Donghyuck said. Taeyong looked around, “He’s not here, yet?” Hyunjin’s eyes widened, as if she forgot that there was another member.

“Don’t count on it, he’s barely here anyway,” Jeno laughed. This club might be better than he expected — it’s has only a few members that don’t seem like the type of people to force people into attending club meetings. Not that it made the club enjoyable, it was just perfect for his _condition._

“He should at least welcome the new member! That kid really is something,” Hyunjin rolled his eyes, earning a laugh from Jeno. Taeyong took a seat one seat apart from Donghyuck and Hyunjin sat next to Jeno.

“We’re the classic literature club and we…read?” Hyunjin said.

“Basically, we choose a book to read and talk about it. We don’t expect you to finish it a day after though, one book can last about 3 weeks,” Jeno explained, Donghyuck nodding.

“If you’re lucky, there are days we play games and watch movies! This isn’t my primary club though, so I’m not always here” Hyunjin said, pouting a little.

“We don’t really have a club president, but since Taeyong’s the oldest, he handles all the school papers, I help manage the club. Hyunjin’s…Well, Hyunjin,” Jeno said. There wasn’t really much happening within the club that Donghyuck had to prepare for, maybe just the games part in case they require any sort of hand-holding.

“What about the other one?” Donghyuck asked, remembering the other member that never showed up.

“The other one? Oh, you mean the other member? Well, you’ll meet him soon. He’s not really here often, but this is his primary club. His name’s Mark Lee, another second year,” Jeno said.

“Anyway, we’ll see each other again this week to talk about our first activity this year. I’ll text you,” Jeno said. Donghyuck paused for a moment, staring at Jeno with confusion etched on his face.

“Oh, sorry. I got it from the registration!” Realization hit Donghyuck, then he cursed himself.

Taeyong got up to get something from a box placed on one of the bookshelves, he took out a small button pin and placing it in front of Donghyuck, ”here’s a token from the club.”

The orientation was just Jeno telling Donghyuck about the university, and Hyunjin leaving midway to attend another club orientation. The club wasn’t as dull as Donghyuck expected it to be — it was actually the complete opposite of how Donghyuck imagined. He would imagine a scenario where they write book reports and debate about the ending. That would’ve been painful for Donghyuck who couldn’t even introduce himself properly. Donghyuck spent some time alone, walking on the empty field. Donghyuck felt exhausted, and it’s only been a day. But to say he didn’t like it was a lie, he did like some parts of it. He finally felt like a normal kid after so long. It was almost 5 so Donghyuck decided to go to the cafe where he was going to meet Jaemin.

Donghyuck has learned to love the smell of coffee, but he liked the smell more than he liked drinking it, he can’t stand the bitterness so he could only go so far as to drink the iced ones. The cafe was packed with people and that worried Donghyuck, he didn’t have Jaemin’s contact number to tell him that the cafe was full. Donghyuck was about to leave when he heard his old friend’s voice.

“Hyuck! Over here!” Donghyuck turned to see the brown-haired boy waving at him. He had two iced coffee placed on the table. Donghyuck smiled at him, carefully heading towards his friend.

“I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I ordered something that doesn’t reek of coffee entirely, which was weird because this entire place smells like coffee anyway. You can just give it to me if you don’t like it. I drink like 10 of those every week,” Jaemin chuckled.

“It’s fine, I didn’t know you like coffee that much. I learned to love the smell, I can’t drink it though,” He explained.

“This is so cool, I didn’t expect to see you here. What’s your department?” Jaemin asked him.

“Arts Management, you?”

“Physics!”

The more they talked, the more Donghyuck felt like he was very different from what he expected Jaemin to be.

“Ah, you never did your math homework before so I’m kinda surprised. Cool though,” Donghyuck said. Jaemin looked down for a moment, which left Donghyuck puzzled.

“I loved math, Hyuck. You hated math so I never did anything related to math around you,” Jaemin gave him a small smile. Donghyuck felt nostalgic.

They spent _hours_ catching up with each other. Donghyuck learned that Jaemin hated pepperoni, which he felt bad for because that was what they always had. Jaemin told him about Jisung, how they met at the same bench where he was seated this morning. Jisung was only a junior, but he kept Jaemin company — at the internet cafe most of the time. He also learned that Jaemin stopped dancing after they moved and focused on academics. Jaemin lived in a dorm near the campus, he said that his parents worked overseas. Donghyuck told him about his mom, minus the numbers. Donghyuck has never felt so human before, it was exhilarating. Donghyuck found a deep sense of bond and attachment towards Jaemin’s sincere words. It was a strange feeling for Donghyuck, but he was proud of himself for deciding to meet up.

Jaemin laughed at Donghyuck’s first love story, then realizing that it was starting to get dark and the cafe was close to empty.

“Hey, give me your phone,” Jaemin said. Donghyuck reached out for his phone in his pocket, handing it over to Jaemin. Donghyuck immediately stopped, dropping his own phone face down. He was having so much fun that he almost forgot about the one thing that ruined his life. Luckily, Jaemin never reached the phone. Donghyuck stood up, “I’m sorry.”

The only thing he could think of in that very moment was to run,

so he did.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in honor of kick it 1st win i was motivated to write this <3 kinda rushed though and still haven't proofread so sorry if there are any errors!!

Donghyuck started to pant, that was the first time he ran so much in years. Jaemin, on the other hand, looked like he was used to running — the boy caught up to him in less than a minute.

“Donghyuck, wait!”

Donghyuck stopped, his back turned against the boy. It was that moment that all his fears started resurfacing, images of his mother, the car and the suffocating hospital walls. Donghyuck couldn't breath, it felt as if someone was choking him. His heart was ready to beat out of his chest and all he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and wait for someone to save him — or end his suffering. A choked cry for forced itself up his throat, and he felt a drop run down her cheek. It seemed as if this was the end of the road for him, so he turned to look at his friend.

Jaemin started to take small steps, but Donghyuck was quick to stop him, “Don’t come any closer. Please.”

“I have your phone,” Jaemin said softly, his hand slowly extending towards Donghyuck’s direction. The boy looked at his phone, then back at him. The moment Donghyuck’s hand grabbed the other end of his phone, Jaemin grabbed his wrist — pulling him into what seemed like a comforting embrace. Donghyuck cried, he cried in his arms. There was rawness to the sound of his sobs,like the pain was an open wound. Then panic started to rise as his chest started tightening, Jaemin’s hand was clutched tightly to Donghyuck’s — the small phone barely preventing their skin to touch. His breaths started to feel heavier against his ribs. Before he knew it, he was on the floor, eyes not even daring to look up.

“Hyuck, please tell me what’s up,” Jaemin said, bending his knees to match the boy’s position. Donghyuck slapped his hand away before it reached his face, “What have you done.”

“What?”

“Why did you touch my hand,” He said, like the life in his voice completely gave out. Donghyuck’s tears stained the concrete floor.

“Hyuck, please!” Jaemin grabbed his shoulders, forcing the boy to look at him. The glowing numbers reflected against his tear-stained eyes — Jaemin couldn’t see it though.

Then Donghyuck lost it, he held Jaemin’s wrist tightly, not caring about the pain he was inflicting.

“I’m cursed, Jaemin,” He laughed. His free hand was clenched tightly into a trembling fist. Donghyuck looked up to meet the boy’s eyes, his lashes brimming heavy tears, “You touched me and now I know when you die. Why did you do that?”

“Hyuck, I don’t understand. You’re hurting me,” Jaemin’s voice cracked. Donghyuck let go of the boy, his hands now wiping the tears from his face.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Hyuck hurriedly got up from the floor, he was ready to run away again, but Jaemin suddenly spoke, “So what?”

“What?” Donghyuck glared at him, his heart aching every time he he saw the glowing number on his head.

“So what if you’re cursed?” Jaemin said, a tear tracing down his cheek.

“Do you hear yourself right now? I’m cursed! Not some sob issues of self-loathe. I’m _really_ fucking cursed, Jaemin,” Donghyuck exclaimed, his ears getting hot. Donghyuck wanted to disappear.

“I don’t care! I don’t care—“

“I said I know when you die!” Donghyuck raised his voice. He didn’t let Jaemin speak, “you touched my hand and now I see fucking numbers on your head! Do you get it? I _know_ when you’ll die. And I can’t do anything about it! I lost mom and now I know I’m gonna lose you, too. The first friend I talked to since the fucking accident! I’m cursed, I really—“

“I’ll die,” Jaemin spoke, interrupting Donghyuck. “I’ll die. And you will, too. Hyuck, we’re all going to die! I don’t care if you know when I’ll die, losing me is not your choice to make. We’ve only been best friends for a while, but I was certain we’ll meet again. Because I loved being your best friend. And I am not letting you run away just because you know something that’s bound to happen!” Jaemin’s voice was stern, despite the tear-stained cheeks and blurring vision.

Donghyuck couldn’t speak or move and his mind was racing with a million thoughts. Jaemin wiped the tears from his eyes, “Let’s go home.”

Jaemin pressed the doorbell to Donghyuck’s house. The door opened seconds later, “Where have—“

Donghyuck’s dad stared at the two boys at his doorstep, both their eyes looked bloodshot and Jaemin’s nose was still red, but his eyes immediately moved to their hands. Jaemin’s hand was holding onto Hyuck’s.

“He knows,” Donghyuck said, eyes looking down.

“Hi, I’m Na Jaemin. You probably remember me as one of Hyuck’s old friends,” Jaemin smiled. Donghyuck’s dad fully opened the door, signaling them to come in. Hyuck was first to come inside, making his way to the fridge to rehydrate himself after their crying session.Donghyuck’s dad closed the door, “You know about his…condition?”

“Yes. I found out earlier, that’s why he got home pretty late — sorry about that — don’t worry, I promise I won’t tell anyone,” Jaemin reassured. Jaemin went to Donghyuck, asking him if he was feeling better, the boy nodding as he set the glass of water down.

Donghyuck’s dad stood by the door, his eyes locked on the two boys. It was the first time Donghyuck brought a friend over since the accident, his heart warming at the sight of them. He smiled to himself, “Okay, boys! What do you want to eat for dinner?”

Jaemin decided to sleep over, letting his roommate know he won’t be home. Jaemin was seated on Donghyuck’s bed, “So when are you reinstalling your SNS?”

“How did you know I deleted them?” Donghyuck said, looking through his spare clothes Jaemin could borrow.

“I tried to look for you of course! I found it one time and sent like 20 texts, but you weren’t responding. I just figured you deleted them.”

“Oh.”

Things were slightly better now, but Jaemin could still feel Donghyuck flinch whenever he looked at him. Jaemin still couldn’t understand about the curse Donghyuck was saying, but he didn’t want to ask about it now. They spent the rest of the night listening to each other’s favorite songs — with Donghyuck’s occasional complaints saying Jaemin’s music was too sappy. Donghyuck fell asleep first. Jaemin stared at the boy asleep next to him, he had his back turned against Jaemin.

“You don’t have to suffer so much anymore,” Jaemin whispered, letting sleep consume him as well. It was 12 am. And if it’s one thing about 12 am, it’s early in Donghyuck time. His body clock was already broken during the 3 years of isolation, he had trouble falling asleep early. So what Jaemin didn’t know was that he was still wide awake when he said that. Grateful was an understatement, Donghyuck didn’t know how to repay the boy asleep next to him. Jaemin started snoring softly behind him.

“Okay.”

__________

Jaemin left early in the morning to take a shower in his dorm, but he told Hyuck he’ll meet him at the same bench they met the first time. The freshmen party was supposed to be tonight, which he wasn’t supposed to go to if it wasn’t for Jaemin and his dad’s pleading. Just because he was slowly starting to confide in Jaemin didn’t make him any more comfortable around the random people from his university. Besides, Jaemin was from a different department so they weren’t gonna be together the entire time.

Donghyuck bought strawberry milk from the vending machine before heading to the benches. He saw Jisung sitting in the same bench from yesterday, fixed on his phone again.

“Hyuck!” he heard Jaemin call. The boy turned to look at Jaemin — he was wearing a grey hoodie and blue jeans.

“Jisung, let’s go!” Jaemin said. Jisung’s head shot up from his phone, he saw Donghyuck and gave him a small bow.

“Where?”

“Anywhere. We’ll hang out with Hyuck today,” Jaemin said.

Donghyuck learned that Jisung was already a senior in high school — despite being 2 years younger. He was smarter than he looked. He learned that Jisung spent most of his days in an internet cafe, that was where he met Jaemin. Despite being in high school, Jaemin was really great friends with the boy. It was currently orientation week for high school students, which was why Jisung was always in the college campus. Jaemin described Jisung as a stray cat he found on a normal day. Jisung was quick to bond with Hyuck after knowing that Hyuck spent most of his years playing video games.

“Hyung, I have a club meeting in 20 minutes I have to go,” Jisung said. They were in one of the outdoor tables and Jisung invited Donghyuck to play the shooting game he was constantly playing.

“You’re the one who won’t leave!” Jaemin laughed, taking a bite from his sandwich as he scrolled through his phone.

“After this. Hyuck hyung is great at this game — even better than you,” Jisung said. Jaemin put his hands on his chest, acting offended.

“3 years, Jisung. I practiced for 3 years,” Donghyuck said, jumping up when they finally won. Jisung didn’t know about Donghyuck’s condition, no one brought it up since the small argument they had. All Jisung knew was that Donghyuck was homeschooled for 3 years because they had to keep moving places. 

“Okay! I’m leaving now. Bye,” Jisung said, checking the time on his phone one last time. The older boys waved him off.

“Thank you for not telling him,” Donghyuck immediately spoke. Jaemin was surprised, he didn’t think he would mention it today.

“Of course! I trust the kid with my life, but that’s not my story to tell. There’s no rush,” Jaemin reassured. Donghyuck nodded, giving him a half-smile.

Renjun approached the table they were sitting on, “Mind if I sit here?” Jaemin looked at Donghyuck, who gave him a light nod. Renjun took a seat next to Donghyuck.

With that, Donghyuck started feeling closer with Renjun. He couldn’t help but think that having Jaemin around made his life a little easier, he had no idea how he’d survive the university life without him. Renjun was easygoing, it wasn’t hard to talk to him because he always carried the conversation — something Donghyuck was rather terrible at. Renjun had to leave after a short while, he was one of the freshmen representatives for their department so he had to organize the freshmen party happening later that night. Donghyuck’s stomach turned as he was reminded of the party he didn’t want to go to, Jaemin shot him a glare when Renjun mentioned the party — it was like he was telling Donghyuck to not dare skip the event. Donghyuck sighed, telling Renjun a dejected “see you later” when he left.

__________

Donghyuck was standing outside the gym where the party was about to happen, he waspacing around, wearing the department jacket. He took a deep breath and entered the door, both hands in his pocket,

The first to greet him was Renjun, Donghyuck smiled at the familiar boy. The music was as loud as thunder, the bass thumped in time with his racing heartbeat. Donghyuck liked the song, it made everything much more colorful. An older boy tapped into a microphone twice, calling everyone’s attention.

“What’s up arts management!” He screamed, loud cheers following. “They say we’re a boring department. Let’s have fun tonight and prove them wrong, yeah?” He laughed. The boy reminded Donghyuck of Yukhei, they had the same bearing.

Donghyuck talked to a handful of people, their conversation consisting of the same scripted questions — what their name was, how old they were and where they used to study. Donghyuck telling the same excuse he told Jisung. Donghyuck wanted to text Jaemin, relived that he at least has one person to call that was not his dad, but didn’t want to disturb his friend’s night out. When the music started blasting louder and people started dancing, that was Donghyuck’s signal to get some fresh air. It was too risky to be around a big crowd of people jumping around. He made his way through the sea of people and stepped outside.

Donghyuck was outside the gym, from a short distance he could see a football field. He made his way to the open space before laying down on the grass, sighing deeply. Jaemin made him promise to at least make one friend. It hasn’t even been 10 minutes and it was already harder than he thought. His head perked up when he heard strumming. He didn’t realize that there was somebody else on the field. He then heard soft singing, his eyes saw the back of a boy playing the guitar. He was wearing the same department jacket as him, but Donghyuck never saw anyone with a guitar inside the party. He slowly walked towards the boy, the familiar melody reeling him in. Donghyuck wanted to make at least _one_ friend that night.

As Donghyuck neared, the boy heard the sound of the grass rustling, turning to look at him. Donghyuck’s eyes met a familiar face and a harsh glare. Donghyuck immediately regretting his decision. Donghyuck realized that he was the same boy he kept seeing in university, the boy by the booth and the cafeteria.

“Sorry, I liked the song you were playing,” Donghyuck scratched his head, standing awkwardly. He didn’t know if it was appropriate to sit by him on the grass.

“You know this song?” the boy said. For a split second, Donghyuck swore his eyes looked interested before returning to the harsh scowl he had earlier.

“Yeah, If It Means A Lot To You, right? Uh, it used to be my favorite,” Donghyuck awkwardly chucked. The boy ignored what he said, turning his back again to continue playing. Donghyuck sat awkwardly next to him. Donghyuck pretended to check his phone to at least try to get rid of the uneasy tension building up around them. He couldn’t even bring himself to ask for the boy’s name. He placed his phone on this grass next to his, in case he felt awkward again and needed to look preoccupied. He was amused at the fact that they both had the same phone model.

“Why aren’t you at the party?” The boy spoke, not looking at him.

“Uh, I can’t stand crowds,” Donghyuck said. He looked up at the sky, silently hoping something interesting happens that they can both talk about. Donghyuck knew that if he left, he wouldn’t be able to make any more friends that night because everybody was probably intoxicated at that point. A few minutes of silence — plus the boy’s occasional strumming — passed before a phone dinged. In that moment, both of them reached for their phones. Donghyuck’s heart dropped when he made the stupid decision of putting his phone next to the boy’s, or the fact that he had the default ringtone, he didn’t know what to think of during that moment, but thoughts of regret coursed through his head. The slight contact of their pinkies was about to bring Donghyuck to the verge of crying.

“Hey,” the boy said, probably confused as to why Donghyuck was panicking next to him. Donghyuck looked at him, prepared to swallow the fact that he brought this to himself. He wanted to run and go to Jaemin, but when his eyes met his, all his negative thoughts disappeared. But it wasn’t relief that replaced it, it was confusion.

The boy in front of him didn’t have a number on his head.


	5. Chapter 5

Donghyuck stood there with his mouth slightly open and his heart beating against its walls. He was confused. He took his phone from the ground, ready to call Jaemin. Jaemin didn’t answer and Donghyuck mentally cursed himself for not asking for Jisung’s number. He had a number of thoughts floating in his head: Was the curse over? Is this boy dying right now? Donghyuck didn’t even know the boy’s name! It was too late for that now.

Donghyuck stood up, just as he was about to leave, the boy suddenly started strumming

_“Hey darling, I hope you’re good tonight”_

The boy stopped then looked up at Donghyuck, who was only staring at the boy.

“Do you want to sing the song with me?” he asked. It was weird he was suddenly initiating the conversation, but the fact that he wanted to _sing_ at a time like this, when all Donghyuck wanted was to leave and go to Jaemin — or his dad.

“Huh?”

“Sing the song. You know the song, right? You said it used to be your favorite,” the boy casually said.

“Yeah, I know the song. It’s just… weird when you’re asking me to sing it,” Donghyuck said.

“You know what, nevermind. You can go,” the boy looked away from Donghyuck.

“No, okay! I’ll sing it with you,” Donghyuck smiled. and sat back down It was cute, in a way. Maybe the boy just didn’t know how to talk to people, which is something Donghyuck understood quite well.

_(a/n: for the full experience listen to If It Means A lot To You by A Day To Remember)_

_“And I know you don’t feel right when I’m leaving,”_ Donghyuck sang. The boy smiled, strumming his guitar.

“ _Yeah, I want it but no, I don't need it. Tell me something sweet to get me by,”_ Donghyuck looked at the boy, wondering why he wasn’t singing with him. The boy met his eyes, chuckling softly.

 _“'Cause I can't come back home 'til they're singin’ a, la la la, la la la,”_ The boy sang with Donghyuck. Donghyuck was staring at the boy, his voice sounded smooth and cold, it was soft but it was powerful. Donghyuck thought it sounded beautiful.

 _“If you can wait 'til I get home,”_ Donghyuck sang, the boy backing up Donghyuck’s vocals, _“I get home”_

_“Then I swear to you that we can make this last”_

_“La la la,”_ the boy continued.

“ _If you can wait 'til I get home.”_

 _“I get home_. _”_

 _“Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past,”_ Donghyuck trailed off. The boy strummed a few times more before singing the last part,

_“It might be for the best”_

Both of the boys went silent, clueless on what were they supposed to talk about after having a singing session.

“I have to go,” the boy said, getting up from the grass. He dusted off the dirt on his jeans before putting the strap of his guitar.

The boy was walking away from Donghyuck, but Donghyuck didn’t want to waste the opportunity to ask the question he’s been wanting to ask.

“Hey!” The boy stopped and looked back, “What’s your name?” Donghyuck said.

The boy stared at him for a few seconds, like he was debating with himself. Donghyuck thought that the boy wasn’t going to answer him anymore — he was ready to laugh it off and say ‘nevermind’, but the boy spoke,

“Mark.”

Donghyuck was walking around outside, the campus looked different at the night— where all the colors are subdued in the fading lights, and there’s only a close silence in the dim evening light. Donghyuck sent a text to Jaemin a few minutes ago, asking if he was free to meet up. From the corner of Donghyuck’s eye, he could see Renjun talking to Mark outside the gym, clearly not surprised, he figured Renjun was friends with everyone. Though Donghyuck could help but feel a little worried at the two boys from a distance, Renjun looked serious — almost angry even. The ring from Donghyuck’s phone snapped him out from his trance. Donghyuck’s eyes lit up, seeing Jaemin’s caller ID on his phone.

“Hey! sorry, I didn’t read your text. Where are you?”

“I’m outside the gym, I’m just walking around. Can you meet me by the benches?”

“Okay, be there in 5!” Jaemin said before hanging up.

Donghyuck waited patiently for Jaemin. He started thinking about the boy without the number, he wanted to believe that the curse is over and that everything is just back to the way it used to be 3 years ago. He felt the soft panic that could either grow or fade depending on when he sees Jaemin.

“Hyuck!”

Donghyuck turned, a little too slowly. He was about to speak but his voice trailed, like his words are unable to escape his lips. There was evident sadness in his brown eyes. Jaemin still had the number.

“What’s wrong?” Jaemin asked, concern written all over his face.

“I met a boy,” Donghyuck started, his voice trailing slowly, “He didn’t have a number. So I thought I couldn’t see it anymore, but I still see yours.”

Jaemin stared at the boy, his brows furrowed, “no number? But you touched his hand?”

Donghyuck sighed, plopping himself down the bench, “I know right?”

“There must be something going on. Don’t worry too much though, we have a lot of time to figure it out,” Jaemin said throwing a candy bar towards Donghyuck’s direction, “eat up.”

Donghyuck took a bite from the snack before groaning loudly, “My life is so hard.”

“I know right,” Jaemin said, sitting down next to the boy.

The next day Donghyuck agreed to eat with Jisung and Jaemin again, as if he had any other friends to eat with for him to actually refuse. Jaemin was there first, he was wearing a pastel pink sweater and ripped jeans and had a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Did you know that pigs have the longest orgasm?” That was the first thing Jaemin said when Donghyuck arrived.

“Why would I know that?”

“30 minutes! Fucking euphoria!” Donghyuck bursted out laughing, tears welling up his eyes. It was the way Jaemin said things that made the statement funnier. Donghyuck wiped a tear forming at the side of his eyes, his eyes followed a boy in a grey hoodie — it was Mark.

“There he is,” Donghyuck said softly. Jaemin followed his vision, “who?”

“The boy with no number,” Donghyuck said.

“What number?” Jisung said, sitting next to Jaemin. Both the boys’ heads turn to look at the teenager, then at each other, then back to him.

“Why do you both look like that?” Jisung asked, his head tilting sideways.

“Oh! We were just talking about his pho-“

“It’s okay,” Donghyuck smiled at the Jaemin, then turning to Jisung, who only looked lost.

“I have this.. thing. Well to sum it up, I can see numbers on people’s head when I touch their hands. And well, the numbers count down everyday until the day they die, so I guess I know when someone dies? Something like that. That’s why I’m.. like this,” Donghyuck paused, his throat feeling dry. Jaemin’s hand went to Donghyuck’s, squeezing it softly under the table. “I actually see Jaemin’s number since the other day. And it’s been giving me a hard time being around people, you know? I stayed at home for 3 years, I studied online and all that, but I never had friends again. Anyway, I accidentally touched this boy’s hand last night and he didn’t have a number.”

“Oh. What the hell,” Jisung breathed. Donghyuck chuckled, “That’s right, what the hell.”

“You’re cool though, hyung. For being able to make yourself study in a university. And meeting friends — like me and hyung. And for joining a club, wait, I know it’s a requirement but it must’ve been hard I guess. I don’t think I could’ve done that. But you’re here now, and 3 years worth of practice ahead of me in PUBG, probably 5 years ahead of Jaemin hyung,” Jisung said.

“You are not better than me in PUBG,” Jaemin protested, almost immediately.

“I am!” Jisung said.

“Just because I focus on actually _surviving_ , doesn’t make you any better than me,” Jaemin rolled his eyes. Donghyuck laughed, Jisung and Jaemin stopping their petty argument to look at the boy.

“I’m sorry! I’m just grateful for you two. God, I shouldn’t have worried about telling you both,” Donghyuck said, throwing his head back in laughter. Jaemin smiled at the boy, glancing at Jisung and giving him a nod.

__________

For the rest of the week, days with Jisung and Jaemin were warm, they would hang out after school and try different new things, ranging from internet cafes and restaurants with no customers, Jisung and Donghyuck betting whether the food was just bad or it or there were — from Jisung’s words — ghosts. Jaemin would laugh at how the younger could even think of something like that, in his defense, most of the empty restaurants in their area looked abandoned.

Jisung was always a buzz of excited talk, his hands bouncing up and down as he talked about the movie he just discovered. He liked eating, but he liked food Donghyuck always told him to try more. Weekend arrived and it didn’t take long for Jisung to be invited over at Donghyuck’s, only to be met by Jisung not shutting up about the gaming PC Donghyuck had set up in his bedroom. Since then, Jisung started bugging Jaemin to make plans to visit Donghyuck. Their groupchat wasn’t less of a mess with the 3 of them. Jaemin sent photos of _anything_ that piqued his interest — and the boy was constantly getting interested. Donghyuck preferred calling, he refused to divert his attention from the game on his computer screen.

The next week came like a breeze, it was his first official week in university, also his first official club meeting as mentioned by Jeno through text. Donghyuck was in the middle of a lecture about the introduction to visual arts when someone tapped his shoulder. He turned around to see it was Renjun, “I forgot to ask you last week, but what club did you join? I can help you look for a minor club if you aren’t happy with your club.”

“I joined the literature,” Donghyuck whispered, Renjun’s eyes widened, his expression laced with surprise and confusion. He looked down with his eyebrows knitted together, before looking at the boy again, “I see.” That was the end of their conversation. Donghyuck shrugged it off.

Donghyuck was grateful that it was starting to get colder, he had an excuse to wear any type of outerwear that had front pockets. With his hands in his pockets, he made his way to the cafeteria. Jaemin always bought him lunch with Donghyuck’s money to save him from his fear of squeezing himself in a tight crowd.

It was after last period when Donghyuck found himself excited for his first club meeting, his university life was treating him a little better than what he deserved — or at least what he thought he deserved.He was in front of the familiar door with the dull, handwritten sign that has the club name written like it was forced. Muffled voices could be heard from inside. Donghyuck opened the door, his eyes meeting Jeno’s immediately, then moving over to the familiar boy that brought Donghyuck nothing but uneasiness — Mark. He was sat there with his guitar, glasses hanging on the bridge of his nose, and the absence of the glowing numbers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eek i'm so excited to write from this point of the story now <33 this won't be a really long fic !! it won't exceed 10 chapters :))


	6. Chapter 6

The thought of him being in the club had already passed Donghyuck’s mind, now that he was sitting there, he couldn’t help but suck in a deep breath. It’s not that Donghyuck didn’t want to be around him, he just couldn’t help but think about why he didn’t have a number — it scared him more than the idea of seeing the number naturally. He couldn’t help but think that something was wrong with him or Mark.

“You’re the new member?” Mark spoke up, eyes locking with Donghyuck.

“You know him, Mark?” Jeno asked. Donghyuck was about to say something, but Mark spoke before he could even open his mouth.

“No. Let’s just get this over with,” Mark hissed, setting his guitar on the side. Jeno looked at Donghyuck with an apologetic smile. It was still early so it was just the 3 of them in the room. Donghyuck took a seat next to Jeno.

“Right. So Mark this is Donghyuck, Donghyuck this is Mark,” Jeno said. Donghyuck glanced at the boy, who was spacing out.

“Hyuck is fine,” Donghyuck smiled. Jeno nodded, standing up to get books from the shelf.

“Choose,” Jeno said, two books on his hands. Donghyuck wasn’t familiar with any of the books so he chose randomly, “The one on your right.”

“I’ve read that,” Mark groaned. Donghyuck was surprised at the sudden outburst, forgetting for a moment that it was a club for people who actually read during their free time.

“So what? It’s not your turn to choose,” Jeno said, sticking his tongue out. Mark rolled his eyes.

“Wuthering Heights for the next few weeks, then,” Jeno smiled at Donghyuck. Jeno was texting on his phone before it rang, breaking the awkward silence between the three of them. Jeno mumbled a few “okay” and “sure” before hanging up.

“Mark, Taeyong said you can talk to help with him in understanding the book. He said you both are going to talk about it for the next few days.”

“But—“

“He also said that this is what you get for constantly skipping meetings last year, so no but’s. He’s asking me to help him with the club papers, I’ll be right back. Mark be nice,” Jeno said.

Jeno left the room and Donghyuck silently prayed that Jeno would not take too long. He picked up the book Jeno lent him, flipping through the pages. He peeked up from the book to look at the other boy in the room. Mark noticed him almost immediately, “What?”

“Nothing. What year are you in,” Donghyuck regretted it immediately and made mental notes to himself to not ask such boring questions.

“Second.”

Donghyuck read a few pages, already feeling the boredom creep up. He was trying hard not to yawn in front of Mark, so he cleared his throat, Mark looking up from his phone.

“What is this book about?”

“Oh my god, it hasn’t even been 5 minutes. That’s a romance novel,” he said, rolling his eyes.

Donghyuck skimmed through the pages, reading random lines he came across, fighting the urge to fall sleep. His eyes started feeling heavier by the moment, it was harder than he thought.

“So Wuthering Heights is a place?”

Mark slammed his phone on the table, startling Donghyuck. “Yes, it’s a place. Do you even like reading? Why are you here?”

Donghyuck wanted to bury himself in the ground, but he couldn’t help it, he was probably going to fall asleep if he didn’t try talking. Donghyuck couldn’t look at him in the eye because of the embarrassment, “I don’t like reading.”

For a moment, Mark regretted snapping at the boy, “I just really can’t be around crowds, I guess. I’m not athletic as well. I only found this club because no one was signing up. Sorry for finding your book boring.”

Mark snorted at the last line, Donghyuck looked up at him, only for Mark to look away immediately.

“Sorry,” Mark scratched the back of his neck, “I can help you, I guess.”

Mark stood up before sitting down next to the boy. He grabbed the book, leaning in dangerously close to Donghyuck, enough for Donghyuck to smell the strong scent of detergent. Mark’s eyes glanced at Donghyuck, who was trying to lean back and give him more space.

“Sorry,” Mark said, sitting back down. He opened the book, flipping through the pages. Donghyuck took the chance to get a closer look at the boy, which he couldn’t do the first time they met because it was dark. Donghyuck thought that the raven-haired boy with long lashes and chiseled jawline was attractive. Donghyuck noticed the mole on his cheek, just a little under the round specs he was wearing.

“Why are you staring at me?” Mark said, eyes still fixated on the book he was skimming through.

“You don’t look immortal to me,” Donghyuck said softly, pouting a little.

“Why would I be immortal?” He said, turning to Donghyuck.

 _The numbers,_ he thought. “Nothing.”

“Stop being weird. I’ll explain the plot of the book so it makes it easier to understand once you actually read it,” Mark said, closing the book.

Mark explained the entire storyline to Donghyuck, stopping every once in a while to tell Donghyuck to stop spacing out. A few minutes turned to several and Donghyuck was already asleep. He was sitting down with his head bowed down and eyes closed. The only movement with the boy was the rise and fall of his chest. In sleep he was angelic, his face was peaceful, making gentle snuffling noises as he breathed.

“Oh, come on,” Mark groaned.

“How can you even fall asleep in such an uncomfortable position?” Mark said, fully aware of the fact that the boy could not answer.

Several minutes later, Donghyuck’s eyes fluttered open, he looked around, he was still in the club room. Mark was already nowhere to be seen.

“You’re awake,” Jeno spoke. Donghyuck blinked at the boy.

“Mark said you read so much then fell asleep, you looked so peaceful so we couldn’t wake you,” Jeno laughed. Donghyuck was confused, he didn’t read even a full page from the book and he didn’t know how he managed to wake up on the table when he fell asleep sitting down. He was thankful that Mark covered for him, he felt bad for the club members.

“Anyway we already fixed the club papers, sorry today was kinda flatline. The next meeting is in 3 days. Taeyong hyung’s gonna be there,” Jeno said. Donghyuck nodded, putting the book in his bag and bidding his goodbye to Jeno.

Jisung and Jaemin visited Donghyuck that night, bringing over a box of chicken wings and a box of pepperoni pizza (and one order of bento for Donghyuck’s father).Jisung told Donghyuckthat they had something “very important” to talk about. Donghyuck was sitting on his desk chair, spinning it around with a slice of pizza in his hand while Jaemin was sprawled across the bed, on his phone. Jisung was sitting on Donghyuck’s bean bag — which Donghyuck bought the other day for times like this.

Jisung cleared his throat, “So.”

“So,” Jaemin agreed, getting up to sit on the bed with his legs crossed.

“So?” Donghyuck asked.

“Hyung and I talked about it, we want you to tell us more about the numbers. Maybe we can help with something,” Jisung said, reaching for a chicken wing.

“I wrote it down hold up,” Donghyuck said, pulling a box from under his desk. He shuffled through his old books before reaching for the brown notebook he had where he originally wrote about the dreams he had at night, now it was just about the findings he discovered about the numbers. Donghyuck handed it to Jisung. Jaemin went down from the bed, crawling to sit next to Jisung.

After a few minutes, the boys finished reading.

“Wow,” Jisung said.

“I’m still confused. None of these can explain why that boy had no number,” Jaemin said, biting from Jisung’s chicken.

“Hey! But yeah, I have this weird feeling that maybe he can be the answer,” Jisung said.

“What do you mean? Also his name is Mark,” Donghyuck said.

Jisung paused, closing his eyes for a moment, “Maybe it’s not really a _you_ problem that you can’t see his number, maybe there’s something wrong with him.”

“He doesn’t look immortal though and he actually smells alive,” Donghyuck shrugged.

“Jisung has a point, I think—wait what, you smelled him?” Jaemin said.

“We’re part of the same club,” Donghyuck said.

“I don’t trust him. He has no number and he likes classic literature, is he actually Shakespeare from the dead? Does he even have friends?” Jaemin said. Donghyuck laughed.

“You should be asking that to me! I had no friends before you two. He’s friends with Jeno and Renjun, I think. He’s from my department and I saw them talking, it looked serious though so I’m not sure,” Donghyuck said.

“I have a gamer friend who’s really close with Jeno, he might know Mark,” Jisung said.

“Guys,” Donghyuck started, looking at his lap, “it’s okay. I thought about it earlier, I don’t think we should try to find out about the no numbers. I mean, I’m kinda glad to not see his numbers. It doesn’t feel good, you know? Like, Jaemin I see your number every day,” Donghyuck looked at Jaemin with glossy eyes, before continuing, “At least I don’t know when he dies. It’s really odd, I know. but I think I’m fine as of now.”

Jaemin sighed, “if that’s what you want, Hyuck. We’re just looking out for you.”

“Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

Jaemin was apprehensive. There was something puzzling about the boy’s presence. He knew Donghyuck was already having a hard time with the numbers, the fact that the curse had more rules that they didn’t know about, terrified him. At the back of his mind, Jaemin thought that maybe Mark wasn’t really good news, for now. He couldn’t tell Donghyuck that.

__________

The next day, Donghyuck decided to try reading Wuthering Heights with the minimal knowledge he got from Mark. He planned to apologize for falling asleep while he was talking, but it was hard finding the boy. Today went pretty slow for Donghyuck, the lecture wasn’t as entertaining as he expected it to be and the quote-end quote _“stupid book”_ didn’t really help.

Donghyuck entered the library, it was the only place he could think of to stay. There were row after row of neatly lined up books with their spines facing outward. The place was filled withmuffled stillness, comfortable leather arm chairs, and tables for quiet study. Donghyuck was browsing through the fiction section, hands grazing on the spines of the books. When he reached the end of the shelf, his chest comes in contact with books stacked up on a girl’s hands, everything falling in the process. The girl looked frail, she was wearing a surgical mask that covered half her face.

“Sorry! I’ll pick it up for you,” Donghyuck smiled. He was stacking up the books before the girl suddenly spoke, “Please no! It’s my fault.” She knelt down, smiling at Donghyuck before taking the books from Donghyuck.

“Thank you,” the girl bowed, walking away. Donghyuck was on the floor, the glowing number 1on the girl’s head engravedin his mind. Tension grew in his face and limbs, his mind replaying the girl’s voice over and over. She was dying tomorrow. The thoughts started accelerating in Donghyuck’s head and his breaths slowly turned into gasps. His heart hammered inside his chest and his hand clasped over his mouth. Donghyuck crawled through the isle of shelves, his back hitting the shelf behind him. He stayed there where no one could see him.

The tears bursted forth like it was just waiting for Donghyuck to be unseen, it started spilling on his face. Tears dripped from his chin, staining the hoodie he was wearing. His silent weeping turned into broken sobs, like all his walls disappeared with the tears he had been holding back. Donghyuck’s heart ached so much. He hugged his knees tightly, burying his face in his knees.

He felt a hand rest on his head, but he couldn’t hear his voice from his weeping. The hand moved, caressing Donghyuck, but making sure that he didn’t mess up his hair.

“You’re okay.” was what Donghyuck could manage to make out from the boy. He cried for a little longer, then he looked up.

His puffy bloodshot eyes meeting gentle ones. Mark’s gentle ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think :^) please ignore the errors i started this last night half asleep lol


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// light mentions of suicide, vomiting

For a moment, Donghyuck thought that his eyes were the softest brown he had ever seen, as if he held the growth of spring in his eyes— Donghyuck could finally breathe.

“You’re okay,” he repeated, withdrawing his hand from Donghyuck’s head before clasping his hand with Donghyuck’s, holding it for a second then squeezing it tightly. Donghyuck blinked the remaining tears from his eyes. His breathing slowly started going back to normal. Donghyuck felt calmer, normal even. It was the idea that he couldn’t see his number that made him feel slightly normal.

Donghyuck sniffed, wiping his tear-stained cheeks, “That was embarrassing.”

“You don’t have to tell me about it. Here,” Mark said, getting a bottle of water from his backpack. Donghyuck drank from the bottle, finishing it until the last drop.

Mark giggled, making Donghyuck’s heart race a little. He looked kind, the way his stare was laced with kindness that seemed so genuine and so endless, as big as the sea. Then a thought came to Donghyuck, he used his other free hand to take Mark’s other one, tugging the boy closer to him, Mark’s hands on both sides of Donghyuck’s legs. Donghyuck had his back pressed against the big, wooden bookshelf with Mark’s bewildered eyes staring into his.

“Mark,” Donghyuck breathed, giving him a half-smile. Mark gulped, the words getting harder to escape his lips,

“Be my friend.”

Mark sat up straight, looking at Donghyuck with eyebrows knitted together, “You want me… to be your friend?”

Donghyuck wasn’t sure if it was the fact that he couldn’t see his number that he wanted to be around the boy more or if it was something else _._

“And what if I refuse?” Mark raised a brow, crossing his arms. Donghyuck laughed, then smiled at the boy. He stood up from the floor, wiping the nonexistent dust on his jeans.

“See you, Mark,” He smiled once more.

__________

The next day, Donghyuck decided to skip school. The news of a certain highschool girl from his school dying from overdosing lingering at the back of his mind. The moment he heard the news during breakfast, his feet took him to the bathroom, throwing up whatever food he ate that morning. There were attempts of asking Donghyuck to open the door by his father, but Donghyuck would not budge. He wrapped himself in thick layers of blankets and slept for the entire afternoon.

Jisung and Jaemin tried calling him several times, but Donghyuck didn’t answer. Donghyuck was certain that if he answered, they would’ve visited him, and that was the last thing he wanted — to see any more of the glowing numbers.

The thought of Mark passed his mind, like the strong wind blowing for a short while in the blazing heat. Donghyuck never asked for his number or where he could find him, so he just thought about his eyes. Donghyuck liked looking at people’s eyes, like how Jaemin’s eyes constantly lit up when he was with Donghyuck and how Jisung’s always smiled with excitement at the most trivial things. But Mark, Mark’s looked normal, like a breath of fresh air, because Mark didn’t know about the numbers nor did he have them. Mark was the closest thing to normal Donghyuck could have.

The sun started to set when Donghyuck decided to turn on his phone, ignoring the 15 missed calls and 80 unread texts from his groupchat with Jisung and Jaemin. Donghyuck decided to finally open his old Instagram, typing in ‘Mark Lee’ in attempt to find his profile. Donghyuck stumbled upon an account with the familiar grey hoodie Mark always wore in the profile picture.

_leemark_

_2 posts | 247 followers | 35 following_

_20\. unavailable._

His account was in private, disappointing Donghyuck a little. He pondered for a few minutes, before deciding to send a follow request. He rolled on his bed a few times, waiting for the notification he was expecting. Hours had already passed so Donghyuck decided to give it up for the day.

It was 9pm when Donghyuck decided that he wanted to go out and eat something. He opened his bedroom, tiptoeing down the stairs and grabbing his coat. Cold breeze blew through his sweater the moment he opened the door, Donghyuck exhaling into his hands to provide some warmth. Donghyuck walked the dimly-lit path, hugging himself with his coat tightly.

Donghyuck could see a convenience store sign flickering from a distance, followed by the smoke of the cigarette from the tall, unfamiliar boy seated on the wooden bench in front. The store looked old, the advertisement posters on the windows were starting to peel off and some letters had become illegible. The bike rack outside the store accumulated dust and spider webs, making it obvious that it was rarely visited. The tall boy eyed Donghyuck up and down before taking a drag on the cigarette. Donghyuck pushed the door and a bell rang, the cashier appearing from behind the counter.

“Wel- Donghyuck?” Taeyong said.

“Hyung, hi,” Donghyuck smiled.

“Didn’t know you’re from this area,” He said, taking a basket and leaving the counter.

“I just moved. Also I don’t go out much,” Donghyuck laughed awkwardly. Walking through the isle of microwaveable meals.

“Are you here to eat? Eat with me I’m going on break,” Taeyong said, going through the food before discarding them in the basket. Donghyuck stared at the boy, clueless on what he was doing, Taeyong looked at him then laughed, “These are discards. They’re expiring tomorrow so I can eat them.” Donghyuck mumbled an “oh” before getting one cup ramyeon from the shelf.

“How was Mark?” Taeyong spoke again, making Donghyuck drop what he was holding, his head turning in the older’s direction, “What?”

“The club meeting. Sorry Jeno had to leave you so early,” He said, turning on the microwave.

“Oh,” Donghyuck trailed off, picking up the ramyeon he dropped and heading to the counter, “he’s… nicer than I thought.”

“Well that’s new,” Taeyong laughed, punching Donghyuck’s food. “Bear with him. He’s… well, he’s Mark. You’re right, though. He _is_ a nice kid.” Donghyuck took the bill crumpled in his coat pocket, putting it _too_ quickly on the counter — he had enough share of glowing numbers around him. Taeyong stared at the bill, then at Donghyuck, chuckling.

“Aren’t you a weird one, too?” Taeyong said, leaving the change on the counter, “here you go. Give me that I’ll put hot water. You can go sit anywhere”

Taeyong came back with the ramyeon and his microwaveable, placing it on the table.

“You work here, Hyung?” Donghyuck asked, splitting the chopsticks in half.

“Not everyday. Just Wednesday to Friday,” Taeyong raised his brows, looking out the glass window, Donghyuck followed, only to see Mark, who was already staring at him. Mark approached the boy outside the store, engaging in a conversation, but Donghyuck could feel his stolen glances.

“That guy outside is Johnny, he’s my friend and Mark’s roommate. Mark was my roommate last year, but well, things happened,” Taeyong said, looking at Mark from the glass.

“Oh”, was all Donghyuck could say. The bell rang, signaling someone’s entrance. It didn’t take a second for Donghyuck to look at the boy who entered, who was exactly who he expected.

“You skipped school today,” Mark said, sitting next to the Donghyuck.

“How’d you know?” Donghyuck’s eyes perked up. Mark paused, pressing his thumb to his chin, as if he was thinking hard. “Well you,” he pointed at Donghyuck, “forced me,” then at himself, “to be your friend. This is friend.”

“Oh. I got a stomach ache this morning. I’m fine now,” Donghyuck said, looking at his empty ramyeon cup.

“Hyung, did you hear about the girl who died?” Mark brought up. Donghyuck could feel his stomach turn. His head started spinning and he wanted to throw up. Donghyuck stood up, “I have to go.”

“Are you alright? You look pale,” Taeyong asked. Donghyuck felt hot and his hands started shaking.

“Thanks for the meal,” Donghyuck barely managed to say before he started running.

Donghyuck stopped after a minute, catching his breath. He started coughing, hands clutched to his chest, then punching it lightly.

“How many fucking times have I ran this month,” Donghyuck said to himself, exhaling loudly.

“Hey,” Mark’s voice startled Donghyuck. Donghyuck rolled his eyes and gritted his teeth before turning around and putting up a smile, “hey.”

“Taeyong hyung told me to chase after you. You looked terrified back there,” Mark scratched the back of his neck and stood there awkwardly.

“Sorry, I just felt sick. I really don’t like hearing those kinds of news,” Donghyuck said. He was keeping his distance between the older boy, he liked how Mark couldn’t see his expression in the darkness.

“Oh, that was my bad. Sorry,” Mark looked down to his feet, before looking up at Donghyuck with a big grin on his face, “Want to come with me?”

“Come where? Mark it’s like 10, everything’s closed,” Donghyuck said.

“You’re wrong. Everything’s only starting to come to life,” Mark said, taking a few steps forward, “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

With that, Mark grabbed the younger’s wrist — running to _god knows where_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihi sorry this is kinda short !! also waa thank you for 700 hits i never even expected this to get 100 :DD i really appreciate all the comments and feedbacks!!


	8. Chapter 8

“Mark, wait, I don’t like running,” Donghyuck panted. He had no idea where they were headed, but all he knew was that he was starting to sweat despite the cold weather.

“We’re here”

“It’s an empty factory building,” Donghyuck said, disappointed that he had to go through all that running.

“Let’s go inside. Take my hand, getting inside is tricky.” Mark guided Donghyuck to the backside of the factory, glass shards were everywhere and there were rusted machine partsscattered on the grass. There was an open window a few meters above stacked machine parts and a completely broken car, Donghyuck’s eyes widened, “I am _not_ climibing up there.”

“Trust me,” Mark smiled, climbing the car. Donghyuck saw Mark’s face as he was standing on the car, the moon just perfectly illuminating the boy’s features. He noticed that Mark’s eyes were sparkling. Mark cleared his throat with his arms stretched out, interrupting his _thoughts_. Donghyuck grabbed his hand, Mark helping him up. Mark started climbing up the stacked parts, scaring Donghyuck, “are you sure this is safe?”

“Nope! You just have to trust me.”

With that, Mark managed to help Donghyuck climb to the big window. It was the second floor of the factory building, as the first floor was apparently a disaster. The second floor was empty, but for a few obsolete pieces of rusted factory equipment, pieces that seemed perfectly at home within the building's vine-covered walls.

“What is this?” Donghyuck’s voice echoed, then looked around, the sound of rain dropping from the cracked ceiling was the only thing that could be heard.

“Check this out,” Mark called from the corner. Donghyuck headed to wear he was and saw Mark turn on the flashlight from his phone.

“There’s love letters here, and notes, and people talking shit about other people,” Mark laughed, looking at Donghyuck who he didn’t know was _extremely_ close, making Mark snap his head back to the wall.

“That’s amazing,” Donghyuck said in fascination, his hands tracing the writings on the wall. There were messages like “I miss you”, “I hope we get world peace” and even two people’s initials in an arrowed heart.

“That’s not all there is, let’s head to the roof,” Mark grinned, his hands touching the writing. For a moment, their fingers brushed; Donghyuck’s heart dropping before relief washed over him almost instantly — _no numbers._

“I want to write something,” Donghyuck pouted. Mark checked all his pockets, before pulling out a pen, “lucky.”

Donghyuck pursed his lips, thinking about what to write. His eyes lit up as he thought of what to write, but frowned immediately as Mark was staring at him, “Don’t look.” Mark rolled his eyes, turning around to face the other direction.

“There. Don’t look. You can look at it next time. Let’s go to the roof,” Donghyuck said, standing up. Mark looked at him weirdly, before shrugging it off. “The staircase is over there.” Mark pointed at a dark staircase at the other side of the room. Donghyuck nodded, heading his way to the entrance. In that short moment, Mark looked back to look at what the boy wrote.

_Thank you for agreeing to be my friend - H :D_

“Wow,” Donghyuck breathed out. From there they were overlooking the small town they lived in. It was the view of their large university town, amble streets, idle buses crammed into narrow streets, buildings three and four stories high. They could barely see the bicycles and scooters chained up in rows. There was a portion of the city that stood out than the rest, bursting with colorful lights, “What’s that?”

“That’s where the kids aren’t alright,” Mark laughed. Donghyuck didn’t even understand what he said, but it’s the way Mark laughed that had him giggling.

“This place is beautiful,” Donghyuck started, stepping closer to the edge, “at the same time it’s scary. Because you can’t really see the cracks on the street, or the abandoned buildings, or the writings on the walls, or the dark, dangerous alleys. You can just see it as one big picture.”

“Kinda like you,” Mark softly said, Donghyuck looked back, “what did you say?” Mark shook his head, “nothing.”

Donghyuck looked at the view again, stretching his arms. Mark thought he looked beautiful under the sky full of stars, and that his skin was even more beautiful than it is with the moonlight. “But you know what I think? I think it’s still gonna look beautiful, despite all that.”

“Yeah,” Mark said, looking at the boy’s back.

__________

The next day, Donghyuck decided to go to school. He saw Mark walking with his guitar and earphones on. Donghyuck skipped in front of the boy, stopping him. “You’re attending club meeting right?” Mark looked around, “me?” Donghyuck laughed, “who else would I ask?” Mark found it weird he was speaking to him in such a public place, “well, yeah.”

“By the way, I haven’t asked for your—“

“Hyuck!” Jaemin ran towards Donghyuck, later noticing the other boy with him. “Ah, Jaemin this is Mark. Mark, this is Jaemin.” Jaemin stared at the boy, his eyes slowly widening, “oh my god, he’s.. Hi!”

“Uh… hi,” Mark awkwardly stood there, not knowing what to do. “Anyway, I’ll see you later Mark!” Donghyuck said. “Wait,” Jaemin said, “Would you like to eat lunch with us?”

“Uh… sure? I guess,” Mark said. Jaemin smiled at the boy, wrapping his arms around Donghyuck, “cool! We’ll meet you at the cafeteria.”

It was lunch when Donghyuck’s feet couldn’t help but bounce up and down, he wanted Jaemin to meet Mark. To their luck, Jisung even had the afternoon free so he was joining them for lunch. Donghyuck had not told Jaemin about the previous night. He believed he had no reason to and truth be told, a part of Donghyuck believed that Jaemin didn’t like Mark. Which boiled down to Donghyuck being excited as both his best friends and new friend were going to eat together. Jisung arrived with a brown-haired boy, sitting next to Jaemin. “This is my friend. His name’s Chenle.” Chenle awkwardly waved. A few minutes later, Mark arrived, his eyebrows raised in amusement, “Lele.”

“Hi, Hyung.” To be frank, the lunch was chaos. Jaemin surprisingly found Mark to be more normal than he thought. Jisung and Chenle were playing games the entire time, Jaemin nagging them both to buy lunch already. Mark said that Chenle was a family friend and they ended up being really close. Jaemin never really planned on asking Mark anything that time, he just wanted to keep the boy under his radar. Mark and Donghyuck talked about literature club, earning a surprised looking Jaemin. “You like classic literature?”, and a laughing Mark, “why is everyone always surprised!”

Donghyuck arrived early, maybe a little too early, for the club meeting. He was slowly getting used to his schedule. “Hi, Mark.” Mark was already there. He cocked his head to the side, he was reading Wuthering Heights, “oh, hey.”

“Shit, I forgot I was supposed to read that,” Donghyuck said. “C’mere,” Mark said, tapping the chair next to him. Donghyuck threw his bag to the side, sitting next to Mark. “Don’t you dare fall asleep again.” Donghyuck grinned. They had enough time to talk about the book before club meeting officially started. Mark went back to the first page discussing the main storyline. A few minutes in, Donghyuck already spoke. “Mark, I’m sleepy.” Mark groaned, flicking the boy on the forehead. “Hey! What was that for?” Donghyuck said, rubbing his forehead. “Don’t sleep.” Donghyuck pouted. “But it’s so boring.”

“It’s not boring! It’s a romantic tragedy with love that goes beyond normal love. Heathecliff’s heavy hatred intertwines with his love for Catherine — it was love born from rebellion. A destructive one,” Mark said, pouting at Donghyuck. Donghyuck laughed, “okay. But don’t just tell me how the story normally goes. Tell me like what you just said. I like listening to you rant about it than actually learning.” Donghyuck leaned on Mark’s shoulder, closing his eyes. Mark tensed up, “I said don’t sleep.” Donghyuck hummed, “I’m not gonna.” Mark sighed, telling Donghyuck the story of love that turned into betrayal. The door bursted open. “Hey— Oh”. Taeyong laughed, “he’s asleep?”

“Hey, wake up.” Mark moved his shoulder, Donghyuck’s head snapping up. “Hi, sorry.” Jeno smiled, taking a seat. “No problem.” Taeyong looked at Mark, giving him a weird look. “So Wuthering Heights today?” Jeno announced and Donghyuck nodded.

“I have a confession to make,” Donghyuck blurted out. Taeyong raised his brows, “what is it?” Donghyuck scratched the back of his neck, eyes looking elsewhere. “I haven’t finished the book. Mark tries to help me, but I keep falling asleep. I’m so sorry, I really don’t like literature.” Donghyuck closed his eyes in nervousness, Jeno laughed loudly, making Donghyuck slowly open his eyes. “That was it? Don’t worry, Hyuck. We _hate_ literature.” Donghyuck furrowed his brows, “what?” Jeno smiled, “we never really liked literature. Even Taeyong hyung. Mark’s the only one here who actually likes literature.” Donghyuck’s mouth formed an ‘oh’, before being confused again, “sorry if it sounds mean, then why did you guys join?” Donghyuck saw Taeyong’s eyes shift from him to the ground, then to Jeno. Jeno met his eyes before smiling at Donghyuck again, “same as you, I guess.” The pause before Jeno made Donghyuck wonder, but he decided to shrug it off.

Club meeting was eventful, Mark’s fascinated eyes sparkled as he talked about the themes and story of the novel. This time, Donghyuck didn’t fall asleep, but he wasn’t listening either. He was staring at Mark. The older boy didn’t seem to notice, but Jeno did. As he glanced at Donghyuck, whose eyes turned softer. A smile crept and the air grew thick with tenderness and admiration that couldn’t help but make him breathe slower, deeper, happier. Jeno sat in deep thought.

__________

Donghyuck and Mark became closer by the day, Donghyuck could easily predict where Mark was as time passed by. With his love for books and guitar — it could only be the library or the in an unoccupied field. Donghyuck liked being with Mark. One day, when Mark and Donghyuck decided to hang out in the local convenience store after class, a thought popped into Donghyuck’s mind, “why haven’t you accepted my follow request on Instagram?”. Mark tensed up for a second, eyes not meeting Donghyuck’s, “I don’t really use Instagram.” Mark’s jaw clenched, Donghyuck caught a glimpse of that so he decided not to press him further. There’s a part of Donghyuck that could feel walls built around Mark, like he let Donghyuck in, but not enough to know what went on in the boy’s head. There were so many things Donghyuck didn’t know about Mark, but there were so many things Mark didn’t know about Donghyuck as well. Donghyuck decided that he wasn’t going to tell Mark about the numbers for as long as he can, he found security from the fact that he can be around Mark so much without having to worry about glowing numbers. It was only with Mark that he didn’t have to keep his hands in his pockets all the time. Discussions about the absence of Mark’s numbers also died between Jaemin, Jisung and Donghyuck. In that moment, Donghyuck felt like he was in highschool again.

“Hey Mark,” Donghyuck said, sipping the remaining soup from the cup ramyeon. “Are you and Taeyong hyung close?” Mark looked at the boy shortly, before glancing out the window. It wasn’t Taeyong’s shift that day. “Kinda” Donghyuck pouted from the boy’s lack of answers. “He said you used to be roommates, but something happened. He talks like you’re his little brother—“

“I don’t like talking about my past,” Mark interrupted, looking straight into the boy’s eyes, hands clenched tightly into a fist. Donghyuck choked out an apology, making Mark’s face soften almost immediately. “Sorry.” Donghyuck shook his head, “it’s me who should be apologizing. I’m sorry for always asking so much about you. I’m just really glad to have friends after 3 years.” Mark raised his brows, “3 years?” Donghyuck put his chin on his hand, sighing. “Got into an accident so I was homeschooled for 3 years after.” Mark felt a pang of guilt hit his chest, “I’m so sorry.” Donghyuck shook his head again, this time looking at Mark with a smile. “I’m doing better now.”


	9. Chapter 9

There are two things going on inside Donghyuck’s head that moment. Mark insisted Donghyuck to join him in one of his quote-end quote nightventures, as Donghyuck called it. They were sitting on the grass by the lake, the moon grazing silver on the calm surface of the water. The first thing in Donghyuck’s head was that he’s been going home late often that he barely talk to his father, considering he always left early in the morning. He hung out with Jaemin and Jisung after class, but most of the time it was with Mark. The other thing though, well, Donghyuck thought he was falling for Mark. It was that moment, when the moon was kind and made his skin glow silver. But thinking about it, he never left Donghyuck’s mind. He was always _there,_ Mentally if not physically. When Donghyuck was with him, he thought that everything within the universe’s radius became one fine point. One tiny speck, like everything in that moment revolved around Mark, then it explodes when he left. Like Donghyuck’s universe began and ended with him. He could run and search, but it will always lead him to Mark. Donghyuck was really in love with him. He found the feeling strange; it stretched throughout his entire body. It was overwhelming, but somehow it made him feel complete. It feels as though he was in a dangerous fire, yet he felt completely safe. It feels as though his heart was dancing around his chest; and a hole that he was never even aware was there, has been filled. He felt so light, like he was on top of the world yet his heart is constricting and it feels as if there’s no oxygen in his lungs. But there was a part of him that felt terrified, Mark went from being someone he wanted to be friends with to then being infatuated by him and wondering how his life would be if he never met Mark. Harboring all these feelings over someone he didn’t really know much about frightened the boy.

“Hey Mark,” Donghyuck said, eyes fixated on the moon. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Mark look at him for a moment, before looking away immediately.

“Yeah?”

“Let’s make a deal.” Donghyuck still wasn’t looking at the boy, his ears started to feel hot and his heart was ready to burst out of his chest. Donghyuck hugged his legs tighter, waiting for Mark’s response. Mark stretched out his legs, putting his weight in his arms. He looked at the boy, “what deal?”

“Ask me any question and I have to answer. There’s no conditions whatsoever and I can’t lie either, then I’ll do the same. You can’t lie, you can’t not answer either. Just one question.”

Mark looked away, staring at the moon from the water. “Okay.” Donghyuck smiled. “Go first.”

“What happened in those 3 years?” Mark said. Donghyuck felt his stomach drop. He wasn’t expecting Mark to say that. Donghyuck mentally apologized to Mark, knowing he had to leave out details. It wasn’t exactly lying, at least not for Donghyuck. “My mom died in a car accident. I was in the car with her. We were out because I wasn’t feeling well and she wanted to take me to the doctor. I guess it traumatized me. And until now I still blame myself,” Donghyuck said, letting go of his legs to relax and his hands falling to his sides. Their pinky fingers slightly brushed, making Donghyuck’s ears turn a shade of red. He was thankful it was too dark to notice.

“Oh.” Donghyuck felt bad for leaving out the most important detail, which was the numbers. But it would ruin their relationship, that was what Donghyuck thought. He was scared of any sort of change in the way Mark treated him. “Your turn,” Mark said, running his hand through his hair. This time, Donghyuck faced Mark.

“Why don’t you ever say my name?” Mark’s head snapped in the boy’s direction, “what?”

“You know what I mean, Mark. I’ve known you for a little while, but why don’t you ever say my name?” Donghyuck could see it perfectly in the night. He saw how Mark avoided his gaze, he saw the slight change in his posture, and he saw how his one hand slowly clenched to a fist. “Mark, please answer me.”

“Because I’m scared.” Mark hugged his legs, resting his chin on his knees. He looked up to the moon, then at Donghyuck, “I’m scared of my feelings.” Donghyuck felt a lump in his throat, he turned to Mark, raising a confused brow, “what do you mean?”

Mark shook his head, “our deal was only one question.” Donghyuck’s mind ran a thousand thoughts by the minute. Did Mark like him? Donghyuck wasn’t dense. He felt the beating of his heart with the sound of the cricket, he breathed out cold air from his lungs. His pinky moved, slightly brushing Mark’s. Mark didn’t respond to the gesture, making Donghyuck continue. His pinky snaked around Mark’s, then it was 2 of his fingers. Mark gulped, looking everywhere that’s not Donghyuck or his hands, his gaze refusing to settle on one thing.

“When will you say my name?” Donghyuck asked, his hand completely settling on top of Mark’s. Mark’s breath hitched, his hand jerking away from Donghyuck’s. Mark stood up, dusting off the dirt particles on his jeans, “I have to go.”

“Mark, wait.” Donghyuck said. Mark came to a halt, his back facing Donghyuck. “What are you so scared of? If it’s something about your past then I—“

“I said to not talk about my past,” Mark spoke lowly. Donghyuck flinched, but he still couldn’t understand why the boy refused to open up. “Then what!” Donghyuck exclaimed, almost desperately. Donghyuck could see how the boy’s back contracted from the deep breaths he took.

With one last look at Donghyuck, Mark said softly, “you’re going to break my heart.”

__________

Donghyuck never saw Mark since that night. It has been 3 days. Mark didn’t go to club meetings and he wasn’t in the fields either, making Donghyuck think that maybe he didn’t go to school. Donghyuck would sneak out in the middle of the night to visit the old convenience store, but only getting an “I don’t know either” response from Taeyong. Donghyuck also realized that he had no means of communication with Mark, mentally cursing himself for constantly forgetting to ask for his number. Mark left a very confused (and hurt) Donghyuck by the lake that night. One night, Donghyuck suddenly remembered something Taeyong had said, and so he snuck out again to go to the convenience store, praying that person was there.

The boy was there. The tall boy he saw Mark talking to before, his name was Johnny if Donghyuck remembered correctly. He was standing in his usual spot, puffing out smoke from his cigarette.

“Hey,” Donghyuck said. The boy looked at him, raising a wary brow. “Who are you?”

“Uh, I’m Donghyuck,” he trailed off. The boy opened his mouth, as if he was going to say something, but closed it again. “You’re Johnny hyung, right?”

Johnny pursed his lips, “just Johnny is fine. What is it?”

“Can you tell me where Mark is? I’m worried about him, or at least give me his contact details,” Donghyuck said awkwardly, feeling guilty at how demanding he sounded. “Why should I tell you, though?” Donghyuck thought of something to say, but he looked defeated. Johnny spoke up, “come back here tomorrow around 7. I’ll tell you about Mark.” That was what he said before throwing the cigarette head in the trash can.

Donghyuck came back the next day, but Johnny wasn’t alone. His eyes widened as Jeno came out of the convenience store, a bag of yogurts in his hand as he talked with Johnny. Donghyuck made his way to the taller boy, “hi.” Johnny looked at Jeno, giving him a nod and heading inside the store to sit on the chair. “Let’s go,” Jeno smiled. Donghyuck raised a confused brow, following the boy inside and sitting next to him.

Donghyuck’s thoughts were worry and Mark, and it wasn’t helping that the root of his worry was _Mark_ himself. “I guess you want to know where Mark is?” Donghyuck nodded, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. “Well,” Jeno began, eyes looking down. “We don’t know where he is.” Donghyuck was about to say something, but Jeno continued. “But I kinda have an idea why he would disappear. I don’t know if it’s right to tell you.” Donghyuck felt Jeno’s knee being nudged by Johnny, giving him some sort of warning.

“Has Mark ever said anything strange to you?” Johnny asked, intertwining both his hands on the table. Donghyuck paused, then frowning. “He said I was going to break his heart.” Jeno sighed, resting his hand on Donghyuck’s thigh. “He cares about you, more than you realize. I won’t tell you where he is, but I’m sure you know him by now to know where he could be. Please find him.”

“One more thing,” Donghyuck asked. Jeno raised a wary brow. “Nevermind. I was going to ask about Mark’s roommate problem before, but I’ll just ask him when I see him.” Donghyuck figured it was wrong to ask about his past when he was missing. Johnny cleared his throat, standing up. “Yeah… He’ll tell you.” Donghyuck ignored the hesitation in his voice, determined to find Mark.

So his search began, Donghyuck thought of possible places where Mark could be, even visiting the lake where they last saw each other. Mark wasn’t in the abandoned factory either. Donghyuck started to feel fatigue, feeling tired and hungry. And to add up to Donghyuck’s luck, heavy rain started pouring. Donghyuck was walking around when he decided to take shelter by the cafe. Donghyuck chuckled to himself, memories of Jaemin flooding. It was where they finally reunited. It was when Donghyuck started to learn to live like a normal boy again. Donghyuck saw people from the campus. University was open on weekends, where athletes trained and people did club work. A rush of anxiety coursed through Donghyuck as he realized that he never checked the club room.

Donghyuck expected Mark’s figure slouched down as he was strumming to his guitar, humming to whatever song it was that he was playing—and he was. Donghyuck didn’t care about how drenched he was from the drain, seeing the boy in his usual grey hoodie gave him a breath of fresh air. Mark turned when he heard the door open, his eyes widening at the sight of the boy.

“Mark,” Donghyuck exhaled.

Mark's eyes were wide with fear, "why are you here?". “I’ve been looking for you, Mark. The last thing you tell me is that I was going to break your heart and then you disappears for days! It’s like you purposely want to hurt me.” Mark’s eyes softened as he saw the tears threatening to escape Donghyuck’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well, you wouldn’t have apologized if I never found you,” Donghyuck said, a tear escaping from his eye. “Wait, Don’t go!” Mark exclaimed, but Donghyuck had already slammed the club door. He ran outside, wiping the tears from his eyes. His visions were blurry, but his feet wouldn’t stop. He could feel Mark chasing him, but he ignored the boy. He was fed up from everything. With Mark not telling him anything, with his emotions running a thousand kilometers per second. He wasn’t dense, he felt skepticism within Mark’s friends. He felt like they didn’t trust Donghyuck at all and it was driving him insane.

“Donghyuck, wait!” He heard Mark yell, but his vision was too blurry to see him. Donghyuck stopped in the middle of the street, starting to lose his breath by the moment. When his vision started clearing he saw two things: A screaming Mark and bright headlights.


	10. Chapter 10

There were muffled voices, and throbbing pain from the impact on the side of his head when he landed. His hand reached to touch the source of pain, only to wince at the pain. He felt the dampness on the side of his head, knowing immediately that it was blood. The pavement felt cold against his skin, and it took him all his strength to sit up straight. He could hear someone calling his name. Muffled voices turned into agitated screaming, people calling for help. The light of day had started to fall with the dying sun, and it was that moment the events started to register in his vision, in full color.

He saw the boy’s figure on the pavement, the back of his head pooled with blood.

“Mark, what did you do?” Donghyuck stuttered, crawling to the boy and letting his head rest on his lap — not caring about the blood staining his jeans. “What the fuck! Mark… what did you do.”

“Donghyuck,” he smiled. “I’m here, Mark. Stay with me, please. Why are you here? I should’ve been the one. Mark,” Donghyuck said, tears falling from his eyes. Mark laughed shortly, hissing from the pain. His hand reached for Donghyuck’s cheeks, wiping the tears with his thumb. “Your name is so beautiful. I’m sorry for not saying it until now.” Donghyuck’s eyes widened as an almost transparent zero blinked on top of Mark’s head. 

“No, no no! Why is the number there… Somebody please help!” Donghyuck yelled. Mark’s eyes widened for a moment, before bringing back his soft smile, “so you see them, too?” Donghyuck’s head snapped in his direction, “what did you just say?”

“I’m sorry, Donghyuck. I’m sorry for not telling you about my past. Will you forgive me?”

“Mark, please stop. Please tell me what you meant. Do you see the numbers?” Mark nodded, coughing violently, making Donghyuck’s grip against the boy’s body tighter, “stay with me, Mark.”

“I saw your numbers… in the field. You were so beautiful that night,Donghyuck. I’m glad, I’m glad your numbers are gone.” He coughed again, Donghyuck’s tears were falling on Mark’s face. “Stop crying for me,” Mark smiled. Donghyuck could feel someone rip his heart out. “This is so unfair! I didn’t see your number, why am I seeing it today?” Donghyuck sobbed.

“Hug me, Donghyuck,” Mark whispered and the boy obliged, pulling him closer to an embrace. “You probably couldn’t see it because in the end, I was going to do this for you,” Mark whispered in his Donghyuck’s ear. Donghyuck could barely see anything from the tears blurring his vision. He couldn’t see the boy’s number because he was going to risk his life the moment Donghyuck’s days drew to an end.

“You’re always… smiling when you’re around me. You’ve been doing so well… I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick to you,” Mark laughed, his eyes taking the form of the half moon in the night sky, “I was always scared to ask how you’ve been holding on, ever since you told me about the accident. But now we’re here. Thank you for crying for me, Lee Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck shook his head, tears sliding down from his cheeks to Mark’s shoulders. “You didn’t have to do that, Mark. You should’ve told me! I could’ve just broken your heart,” Donghyuck cried. “Now you’re breaking mine,” he choked out. He could hear sirens from a distance, he laid Mark’s head on his lap again. “Stay with me, please?”

“I love you, Donghyuck,” Mark smiled, closing his eyes. Donghyuck panicked, shaking the boy’s shoulders. “Mark, stay with me!”

“I’m sorry for being scared of telling you how I feel,” Mark said, his eyes still closed. Donghyuck shook his head, “Mark, please open your eyes.”

“Seeing the numbers must be rough, right? But please live for me, Donghyuck. Promise me you’re not going to blame yourself like what happened to your mom, okay?,” Mark said. The loss of blood making him look paler by the moment. “Mark, please don’t leave me alone.” Mark shook his head.

“Promise me, Hyuck.”

“I promise,” Donghyuck sobbed, an endless stream of tears falling from his eyes.

“I can’t imagine my life without seeing your smile again,” Mark softly said. Donghyuck started to wail. He touched the boy’s face, “Mark, please wake up.” Mark’s eyes opened, but not fully open — it took him every bit of energy in his body to open his eyes even just a little. “Donghyuck, can I see your smile again?” Donghyuck’s eyes widened, but he knew Mark’s time was running out, as the 0 was barely visible. With the feeling of his heart shattering into a million pieces and every other broken part in the boy’s body, he smiled at Mark. The corner of Mark’s lips tugged upwards, ever-so-quickly. His eyes fell shut, but he managed to hear Donghyuck’s words to him. _Donghyuck’s honey voice he came to love_.

“I love you, Mark.”

__________

It has been 14 days since Mark died. Donghyuck never left his room if it wasn’t to get food and bring it upstairs. Donghyuck’s father tried to ask him what happened after seeing Donghyuck in a hospital bed, instantly regretting it that night when he heard the news of a teenage boy saving a boy from falling victim in a hit and run accident. There were attempts of contact from Jaemin, Jisung and even Jeno. There was one text from Renjun, asking him if he wanted to go to Mark’s funeral, immediately sending a follow-up text that he didn’t need to. Donghyuck did just that, he didn’t go. 

It has been 14 days since Donghyuck lost the love of his life. Somehow, Donghyuck still hasn’t cried since then. His promise to Mark lingering at the back of his head. It was also on the 14th day that Donghyuck decided to finally visit Mark’s grave.

“Morning, dad. I’m heading out,” Donghyuck said.

“Stay safe, bud,” His dad gave him a soft smile.

Donghyuck liked spring the most. The spring came with a gentle spirit that day, but the warmth never reached Donghyuck’s heart and soul. All he felt was emptiness in his heart, a shear of nothingness that somehow took over and held his heart. Donghyuck felt heavy, like the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders and there was nothing he could do to get out from under it. There was like this hole in his heart that took the shape of _Mark_ and that made him constantly feel the need to wipe away the non-existent tears that threatened to form.

His eyes landed on the urns lined up in each square on the tall shelves, that were usually filled with letters and photos inside. Then he saw a very familiar boy standing in front of what seemed to be Mark’s urn.

Donghyuck cleared his throat, awkwardly standing next to the boy, “mind if I stay here?”

Renjun’s head snapped in his direction, “Donghyuck! Why are you even asking? We were worried about you.” Donghyuck’s eyes widened as the boy pulled him to a tight embrace.

Donghyuck stood there, staring at Mark’s framed picture next to the urn. His nose was scrunched up and his mouth hung open. It was a photo, but Donghyuck could hear Mark’s laugh from the photo and his heart clenched everytime he thought about all the times he heard Mark’s laugh. He always thought that Mark laughed without care in the world, he found that captivating. Donghyuck silently wished for Mark to finally be at peace, also apologizing that he took so long. A few minutes in, Renjun spoke up.

“He loved you, you know.” Donghyuck didn’t answer, his eyes locked on the photo of Mark.

“I was mad at him for not telling you, did he ever tell you that?” Donghyuck slowly nodded, his words stuck in his throat.

“Hey, I understand if you don’t want to talk to anyone, but can I talk to you? I want to talk to you about… Mark.” Donghyuck didn’t hesitate, “yes.” He didn’t feel like talking to anyone, but he wanted to know more about Mark, even if it was 14 days too late.

They were both seated in a bench just a few blocks away from the cemetery. “I figured he told you already, but Mark can see these weird numbers. It sounds crazy I know—“

“I see it, too,” Donghyuck looked down, gaze settling on his lap.

“Oh. What number did you see?”

“Nothing. I found it weird at first. He was the first person I touched with no number, but not seeing a number for the first time made me feel… happy, I guess. I felt normal.”

“Oh, Donghyuck. Only 4 people know about Mark’s numbers. That’s me, Jeno, Taeyong and Johnny. I’ve been doing research about it, too. I’ve always believed that there were a lot of conditions we didn’t know besides the ones Mark mentioned,” he looked at Donghyuck, “one of that was not seeing your own number, right?” Donghyuck nodded.

“You couldn’t see his… because the number wasn’t really his, it was _yours_.” Renjun sighed, resting his arm on the side of the bench.

“He loved you a lot. I’m roommates with Jeno so we know. It only took one midnight and a crying Mark for us to know that he was in love with you. That happened when he barged into our room, not bearing the fact that your number was counting down every single day he saw you. He wanted to make the numbers go away that he started to sound desperate every single time he talked about it. I’m just upset that he never properly expressed his feelings for you.”

Donghyuck took the advantage to ask Renjun about something Mark never told him, “what happened with Mark and his old roommate?” Renjun glanced at him with his brows raised, it was like he was surprised that Donghyuck knew about that.

“Mark was roommates with Taeyong hyung. It was inevitable that one way or another, Mark would see his numbers, so he did. Mark told him about it and hyung kinda broke down and left, he couldn’t believe it. They didn’t talk for weeks, that was way back before we became friends. Mark was always alone, playing his guitar. Jeno and I just found him playing really good music. He was distant and had walls, but we wanted to be his friend,” Renjun smiled, the memory playing in his head. Then he continued, “Hyung eventually felt bad and tried to reconcile, but Mark was much colder though. That was when hyung decided to open up the literature club, because Mark liked literature. That club was actually for made for Mark, since he couldn’t properly join clubs because of physical contact. Jeno thought of a club that Mark would like and everybody else hate, then he suggested the club to hyung. I guess that’s hyung’s way of apologizing. They’re okay now though, and now he’s extra protective over Mark”

“I mean, he _was_ extra protective,” Renjun frowned.

“Oh.” That was all Donghyuck could say. He felt his heart being squeezed from the inside of his chest, the beating feeling heavier than usual.

“But Mark wanted me to tell you this. He told me and not Jeno because Jeno’s probably going to break down and yell at him like the soft boy he is,” Renjun chuckled. Donghyuck admired how strong Renjun was, but it was concerning.

“I think Mark had already planned this. He told me that he accepted your follow request on Instagram and that you should check out his other account. He made it for you.”

Donghyuck raised a confused brow, “what account?”

Renjun smiled at the boy, “the username’s fullsun. He told me that the password was the song you sang together. Open it one of these days. Anyway, I have to go. If you need me, just text Jeno. I’ll see you around, Hyuck. Also I miss seeing you in class,” Renjun patted his back, standing up and stretching.

“Uh, Renjun,” Donghyuck said and the boy looked at him with his brows raised.

“Mark believed you were strong, he probably admired you because of that. I do too, but I genuinely hope you’re holding up well. I think it’s okay to not be so strong all the time,” Donghyuck said, wiping the back of his neck awkwardly. Renjun blinked, a tear escaping his eye. “Thanks.”

Donghyuck reached home, heading straight to his room. He opened his phone to check Instagram. He even forgot that he had the app because he never used it. He checked Mark’s account first.

_leemark_

_3 posts | 248 followers | 35 following_

_20\. unavailable._

The first two posts made Donghyuck smile. The first one was Jeno and Renjun in a cafe, they looked like they were arguing. His caption said ‘ _can’t believe i have a bunch of idiots for friends.’_. The next one was a photo of his guitar with a novel next to it. The caption said _‘new guitar hahaha thanksss hyung @Taeyong’_.

The recent post made Donghyuck’s stomach drop.

It was a photo of Donghyuck, with his back facing the camera. Donghyuck recognized it from the day they went to the abandoned factory, in the rooftop specifically. What broke his heart was the caption.

_‘the night has a thousand eyes,_

_and the day but one;_

_yet the light of the bright world dies,_

_with the dying sun -f.b._

_thanks for being my sun.’_

Donghyuck could feel the pain that he had been keeping in for the last 14 days. Donghyuck’s fingers start to tremble as he opened the account Mark made.

_user: fullsun_

_password: ifitmeansalottoyou_

And it opened. There was only one post. No followers nor following, and it was on private. The only post was a video of the moon. Donghyuck pressed play. It began with someone, most likely Mark, walking in the football field, cameras filming the sky. Then he adjusted it, so it was facing him now. Donghyuck chuckled, he looked funny. Then he started to speak.

“ _H_ _ahahaha it’s awkward doing this, but i feel like i need to. anyway, hyuck please tell me that ur the only one reading this right now…”_

_“ok so i’m making this post because i’m going to try to take a leap of faith for lee donghyuck. i can’t tell you this directly because 1.) you probably hate me right now and 2.) i’m a coward. a few days ago you asked me why i never said your name. i was scared. i was scared that the more i said your name, the more it’s going to build a home inside my heart. but that was stupid of me because you already did.”_

Donghyuck rolled his eyes at how cheesy he was.

 _“I’m currently avoiding you right now, i apologize for that too (god, i have to apologize for many things hahaha). i know you’ve been through a lot, i can feel it from the way you interacted with people… and the way jaemin was so protective over you. probably because jeno’s kind of like that towards me so i thought about this (very stupid, but very reasonable) plan in my head. the plan is called: lee donghyuck gets another shot at life by mark lee.”_ Mark paused, fixing the camera so it could capture Mark’s face better. Donghyuck could hear the loud beating of his heart against his chest.

Mark looked straight at the camera, _“because mark lee cannot imagine a world without his sun, lee donghyuck.”_ Donghyuck clenched his fist, his vision started to blur.

 _“I’m sorry for not being there for you when you need me, I wish I could apologize a million times over. i hope you meet people who’ll treat you way better than i did. i don’t really know what the next few days will hold, but i’m certain that i want you to live. i want you to meet a lot of people. i want them to see the lee donghyuck that i saw. so whatever happens, please don’t feel so sad… i hope i have a place in your heart, because you barged into mine and forced yourself home inside of it.”_ There was a pause and Donghyuck dropped his phone on his bed, a stream of tears falling down both his cheeks. He trembled, hugging his legs tightly.

_“Don’t forget me, alright?”_

“You’re so fucking stupid, of course I won’t forget about you,” Donghyuck cried.

 _“I loved you yesterday and I'll love you tomorrow. thank you for everything, fullsun_.” He started to cry loudly, the grief coming out in the form of broken sobs. His father entered his room, eyes softening at the sight of his crying son. He sat on his bed, patting the boy in the back.

“He’s gone, dad.” Donghyuck cried. He was angry that he never told Mark how he felt, he knew he deserved to hear that every single day. He was angry at Mark for coming up with a stupid plan when he’s also been through a lot. He was angry that he will never get the chance to get to know Mark. He loved Mark, he really did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANYWAYYY!! i'll mark this completed even though I'm releasing a special chapter!! because this basically concludes the story. I'm sorry if it seems kinda rushed? i orginally planned for it to really take into account that "you don't really know when you'll lose a person" kinda thing hehe. i'm so thankful for all the comments and kudos this au received since this is my first time. please stick around for the special chapter :D thank you for reading my first actual au. if you want to find more of my writings i write 7dream x reader fics on tumblr :) find me on hyucksite.tumblr.com


	11. Special

Mark was laying on his bed, scrolling through his phone when Johnny spoke up. "You do know that you have to be at school today, right?" He rolled his eyes, turning over to the side so he was facing the wall. He felt a book come in contact with his back, making him yelp in pain, "Ow! What was that for?"

"Taeyong will kill me when he found out you're skipping school today," Johnny crossed his arms.

"It's freshmen orientation week!" Mark groaned, scratching his stomach. He sighed in defeat, heading inside the bathroom to take a quick shower.

The campus was packed with posters and tacky welcome banners in every corner, making Mark roll his eyes. He had no reason to go to school, besides seeing Jeno and Renjun, but the moment his eyes laid on Renjun around a circle of people, Mark shook his head. Renjun was a social butterfly, and Mark knew that Renjun would hit him if he heard Mark's excuse of not wanting to burden him. Renjun had always cared for Mark, more than he did with his other friends, but Mark always felt like he was holding Renjun back because hanging out with Renjun and his friends made him feel like a baby who had to tag along with his older brother. He turned away, hoping that Renjun wouldn't spot him. Mark ended up going to the club booths lined up. He looked for the smallest booth, spotting his old friend and an unfamiliar figure. Mark furrowed his brows, no one ever applied for literature club. 

“Welcome! Please write your name, major, contact details, then sign here,” Jeno said to the boy. The boy stared at the pen, somehow giving Mark an uneasy feeling from a bizarre possibility that entered his thoughts.

“Hey, Jeno! What time is the Freshmen welcoming party tomorrow?” Mark asked. Jeno placed the pen on the table to search for his phone. The boy picked up the pen, smiling to himself. Mark thought that he was probably just unsocial.

“Are you sure with your decision to join this club?” Mark said, his voice coming off meaner than he planned. The boy flinched, looking like he wanted to apologize. Jeno hit Mark, making Mark groan. “It’s 7pm tomorrow, now get lost!”

Mark was in the cafeteria when he saw the same boy from earlier. Mark couldn't help but stare at the boy. He sulked down on one of the chairs, an evident frown as he stared at his phone. Mark figured he was new to the environment, the way his eyes moved around was unsettling. Mark then saw the girl walking towards the boy's direction, his eyes widened as the girl tripped by the table, her tray tumbling over. What confused Mark even more was that the boy was staring at her before it happened, as if he knew it was happening. Mark stared at the boy as he picked up the juice carton and placed it on the table. Then he stayed silent. 

"You're supposed to help her," Mark mumbled. "Unless... Nah it can't be." The boy turned to look at Mark, making his head snap in another direction. The boy stood up, heading to the vending machine, which Mark took as a signal to leave.

Mark left the cafeteria, going to one of his favorite places. He opened the large doors, the smell of coffee and old books filling the quiet atmosphere. His phone vibrated three times, meaning Jeno texted him three times to attend the club meeting. Mark ignored the attempts and walked through the isles. "What's good today?" Mark said to himself, his fingers grazing through the different colored spines of books lined up neatly on the shelves.

Mark skimmed through the titles of the books in the classics section, "Memento Mori... White Noise... The Cure for Grief." Mark frowned, "why are all of these about deaths?"

Mark settled with Sense & Sensibility, heading straight back to his dorms to begin reading. He didn't notice that he already spent hours on the book when he heard the lock click, Taeyong's figure entered with Johnny. "You didn't attend club meeting," he frowned. Mark scrunched his nose, seeing the glowing numbers on Taeyong's head. It has been years since he first saw it, but it was always a hard struggle to try and ignore it.

Mark sat up, pushing his glasses that hung low on the bridge of his nose, "it's just orientation."

"Hyung," Johnny warned. "It's okay," Taeyong reassured. Johnny always made Mark include honorifics for Taeyong's name, but with their long history, Taeyong was fine with whatever as long as they spoke to each other. Johnny, on the other hand, didn't like the sound of it with his name.

"There's a new member though," Taeyong said sitting on Johnny's bed, "he's... pretty weird." Mark glanced at Taeyong from his book, "how so?"

"I don't know, it's weird enough that someone would join our club. I gave him the pin earlier, but he wouldn't take it directly from my hand. Like he stared at it," Taeyong said. The scene from the club booth replayed in Mark's head.

"It's like," Johnny started.

"He didn't like touching people," Mark finished. Taeyong's eyes perked up and he pursed his lips, "do you think?"

"I don't know. He could just be unsocial for all we know. Or extremely dislikes the idea of touching someone else," Mark shrugged.

"It's possible though, it's impossible that you're the only one in the entire world who can see the numbers," Johnny mentioned, opening the fridge, throwing Taeyong the canned soda. 

"The world is big. It's too early to say that after meeting him for 20 minutes," Mark groaned. He didn't like talking about the numbers. "Fine, attend the party tomorrow, alright?" Taeyong sighed.

"Okay," Mark replied.

__________

When Mark agreed to attend the party, he meant he was going there, just not to the party itself. Mark sat on the grass, tuning his guitar for a few minutes. As night fell, the blue haze of day lifted to reveal the stars. Mark had always expressed fondness with the night sky, he felt that this was closer to the world in and of itself. Mark smiled, feeling the wind blow his hair.

Mark started playing a familiar tune he had come to love growing up, then he heard rustling. He looked back, meeting the soft eyes of a boy who looked lost.

“Sorry, I liked the song you were playing,” the boy scratched his head, standing awkwardly. Mark's eyes widened, it was the same boy from the club.

“You know this song?” Mark said, instantly regretting engaging in a conversation as he saw the boy's eyes light up. Mark frowned in distaste, hating the feeling of being approached in his time of solitude.

“Yeah, If It Means A Lot To You, right? Uh, it used to be my favorite,” he awkwardly chucked. Mark ignored what he said, turning his back again to continue playing. Mark could feel his heart beat against his chest when he felt the boy sit next to him, scrolling through his phone. Mark wanted to ignore his existence, then he remembered Taeyong's story from the club orientation. 

“Why aren’t you at the party?” Mark asked, refusing to look at him.

“Uh, I can’t stand crowds,” the boy said. Mark figured that was the case, it was not unusual for teenagers to dislike social events. Mark felt his phone ding, reaching for it. Mark sucked in a deep breath when he saw that the boy reached for his phone, which he placed next to his. The contact of their pinkies sent anxiety through his veins. What brought confusion to him was that the boy panicked even before he let out any type of reaction. The boy started to shake next to him. Mark gulped, preparing for another set of numbers to occupy his field of vision. He's been seeing more numbers than before, from the canteen lady to their new professor. Mark bit his lip, "hey"

The boy looked at Mark with knitted eyebrows, his mouth hanging agape, confusion etched all over his face. Mark felt his palms start to sweat, the words stuck in his throat. He couldn't breathe. He was greeted by the horrifying numbers, but nothing like the numbers he had seen from people. It was a glowing twenty-seven, and it was red. Mark had never seen red before. Mark had so many emotions errupting inside him. He felt bad for the boy who had so little time left, he was confused why his number was different, he wanted to know why the boy panicked when their fingers brushed. The look on the boy's eyes was familiar to Mark, he had the same eyes a few years ago. He didn't know what to say, so he started strumming. He remembered the voice of his father, telling him that music was an external heartbeat, in which the lyrics could calm one's soul through sweet vibrations. So Mark started to sing, he didn't know why he did it. It could be to calm himself down, or to let the boy have one more pleasant memory to remember.

Mark loved singing, but in that moment, he didn't expect to love his singing. His voice was sweet but cold, in a way it rolled over like sorrowful waves under the warm sunlight. Mark thought he sounded beautiful, he also wished that he would never stop

“I have to go,” Mark said, getting up from the grass. He wanted to run away as soon as possible.

“Hey!” The boy called. Mark stopped, taking a deep breath. He looked back, the striking color of red occupying the space above the boy's head. "What's your name?" He asked.

Mark prayed that he wouldn't regret it, he prayed that he wouldn't have to hear his sweet voice say his name.

"Mark."

__________

“You’re the new member?” Mark said, eyes locking with the boy.

“You know him, Mark?” Jeno asked, but Mark was quick to deny. To be honest, he already had the idea that he was the new member, but he needed to express a reaction that would make the boy think he didn't know, Mark didn't want the boy to know that he had talked about him a couple of times.

“Right. So Mark this is Donghyuck, Donghyuck this is Mark,” Jeno said. "Hyuck is fine." Mark was staring at the window, he didn't want to further associate himself with the boy. Just when Mark thought that to himself, not even 10 minutes later, Jeno started talking.

“Mark, Taeyong said you can talk to help with him in understanding the book. He said you both are going to talk about it for the next few days.”

When Jeno left the room, it was like every other easy feeling left with him. It wasn't helping that the boy kept staring at Mark. 

“What?” Mark said abruptly. The boy looked scared, making Mark feel a little bad. What came after only frustrated Mark even more, “Nothing. What year are you in." The boy was engaging a conversation with him. Mark knew that the boy probably hated reading, he could see it from the way he took deep sighs every few seconds, his eyes looking heavier by the moment.

“So Wuthering Heights is a place?” Mark groaned, feeling more irritated.

He slammed his phone on the table, startling the boy. “Yes, it’s a place. Do you even like reading? Why are you here?”

“I just really can’t be around crowds, I guess. I’m not athletic as well. I only found this club because no one was signing up. Sorry for finding your book boring.” Mark noticed that the boy always looked like he was going to cry any moment now, making him feel bad. Mark snorted, finding his explanation funny. The boy looked at him, but Mark was quick to avoid his eyes.

“Sorry,” Mark scratched the back of his neck, “I can help you, I guess.” Maybe Mark wouldn't feel as bad.

Mark couldn't understand, he couldn't understand why the boy kept staring at him. He could feel him steal several glances, looking like a lost kid. He was staring at Mark with bewildered eyes, not even focusing on the book. Mark felt his ears get hot, immediately breaking the silence, "Why are you staring at me?” Mark said, eyes still fixated on the book he was skimming through.

“You don’t look immortal to me,” the boy said softly, pouting a little. Mark blinked, thinking whether he read the boy right. Maybe Taeyong was right, he was indeed a weird one. Mark sighed, “stop being weird. I’ll explain the plot of the book so it makes it easier to understand once you actually read it." He closed the book and started to explain. Mark could feel himself grow tired as the boy wasn’t even paying attention. After a few minutes, Mark heard faint snores from the boy. He groaned as he saw the boy asleep next to him, head hanging low. With chest rising and falling rhythmically, serenity was plastered across his face as he slept. Mark noticed that he looked softer as he slept, then he noticed the moles on the boy’s skin.

“Like constellations,” Mark laughed softly. The boy moved, causing Mark to panic, thinking he woke him up. The boy mumbled something, before his head dropped on Mark’s shoulder, causing him to tense up. Mark thought he smelled like flowers, but as the glowing 21 floated right in front of his eyes, he wrapped his arms around him — letting the boy sleep on the table.

__________

When Mark thought that he wouldn’t see the cruel sight of blood red numbers, he saw the boy enter the school library. He tried to hide his face by covering most of it with the book he was reading. He watched as the boy tried to help the girl carrying the books, then he watched him as he crawled his way in the isle. Mark furrowed his brow, putting the book in his bag and calmly walking by the shelves. Then he heard sniffling, the boy was crying. Mark would be lying if the sound didn’t hurt him. He cried like all his walls started collapsing around him, like he had an open wound.

“You’re okay,” Mark said, with every ounce of sincerity he had, for the boy who looked like everyone else denied him of the sincerity he needed. For once, Mark wanted to see through his eyes — to see the pain and sorrow it carried.

__________

The next day, Mark never saw him, so the least he would expect is to see him in the local convenience store with Taeyong. Mark couldn’t stop thinking about the circumstances, the boy breaking down after talking to the girl and the girl dying that very day. He wanted to tell himself that it was just a coincidence. Mark didn’t know he would regret it, he didn’t know he would regret saying it when he saw all the color leave the boy’s eyes.

“Hyung, did you hear about the girl who died?” Mark brought up. The next thing he knew, he was running after him.

“Taeyong hyung told me to chase after you. You looked terrified back there,” Mark scratched the back of his neck and stood there awkwardly. Mark lied, Taeyong didn’t tell him to chase over him. The boy looked sleep-deprived. As the moon glowed silver, Mark could see the dark circles under his eyes and how they were puffy. He looked like he cried the entire night. And it was the greatness of the moment, the fullness of the moon when Mark decided to pull him.

“Check this out,” Mark called from the corner. The boy headed to wear he was and saw Mark turn on the flashlight from his phone.

“There’s love letters here, and notes, and people talking shit about other people,” Mark laughed. The boy’s face was laced with admiration, his mouth hanging agape. Mark knew he would regret giving him his pen, but he did.

_Thank you for agreeing to be my friend - H :D_

Mark’s chest tightened, the pain he’s been trying to keep at bay slowly reached his lungs, like it was stopping him from breathing. Then he saw the boy under the moonlight, but for some reason; the night sky could be seen in his eyes.

“This place is beautiful,” Donghyuck started. Mark didn’t hear the rest of what he said, but the moment the boy stretched his arms, Mark heart started racing. The velvet sky painted with glitter reflected on his honey skin. For a moment, Mark ignored the glowing 19, “kinda like you.”

“But you know what I think? I think it’s still gonna look beautiful, despite all that.” Mark didn’t have a clue of what the boy just said. “Yeah,” Mark softly said, looking at the boy’s back.

Mark never went straight home that night, he ran (in the rain), appearing in Jeno and Renjun’s doorstep. Renjun didn’t need to see Mark dry to know that he wasn’t crying in the rain. Mark stormed inside, a worried Jeno sitting up on the bed.

“What’s wrong?” Jeno said and Mark completely lost it. He silently sobbed into the younger’s arms. “I don’t want to do this anymore.” Renjun made tea for the boy, sitting next to them.

“Do what?”

“See him. I can’t see him anymore. I don’t want to see him anymore,” Mark choked up, tears sliding down Jeno’s arms. “Drink this, Mark,” Renjun said, throwing a towel over his head.

“Who?” Jeno asked.

“I don’t want to say his name.”

“Why?” Jeno continued.

“I might lose him soon.”

__________

“You’re attending club meeting right?” Mark wanted to hit himself. He ended up talking to the skipping boy with the brightest smile on his face.

___________

“Deja vu,” Mark mumbled to himself, as the boy next to him had his head resting on Mark’s shoulder. His lips were parted, a portion of his teeth exposed. Mark laughed, he looked _cute_. Mark noticed a small scar on his forehead, his free hand pushing the boy’s hair up. It looked like a deep scar. Mark assumed that it was from an accident. He frowned, thinking that the boy must’ve suffered a lot to have scars and breakdowns in public places. His hands traced the moles on his skin, the boy shifting a little, making Mark snap his hand away.

“Mom… I’m sorry.” Mark looked at the boy with an unreadable expression. The boy started shaking his head lightly in his sleep. Mark placed his palm on the boy’s cheek. “You’re okay.”

The door bursted open. “Hey— Oh”. Taeyong laughed, “he’s asleep?”

__________

Mark and the boy started growing closer.

“Donghyuck,” Mark said to himself.

“What?” Johnny said from across the room. Mark shook his head. Johnny said confused, “Are you okay?”

“No, I don’t think I am.”

__________

“Why don’t you ever say my name?”

 _Because I didn’t want my heart to get used to saying it,_ Mark thought.

“What?” Mark said. _Five._

__________

Mark never showed up to school the next day, but when the it was midnight, just when the moon shone to its fullest, Mark went to the field.

_“…the plan is called: lee donghyuck gets another shot at life by mark lee.”_

Mark cried alone that night, laying on the grass with his arms covering his eyes, tears sliding down to his sides. He wanted to save him, maybe he could. He thought that maybe his number was red because he was so in love with the boy who he thought was as pleasant as the sun in spring. But Mark could love him the way snowflakes liked the frosted windows, the way autumn leaves loved the pavement in November, the way flowers loved the spring breeze — Mark could love him in any season, but he thought that all the seasons, no matter how hot or cold, still needed the _sun_.

“Please don’t forget me, Lee Donghyuck,” Mark whispered.

___________

 _Zero_. Mark closed his eyes, he was going to look for Donghyuck today. He had already sent Renjun a voice message a few hours ago, ignoring his attempts of calling Mark. When the door bursted open, revealing a drenched Donghyuck, Mark felt a little relieved. Now that he was there, saving him was just an arm-length away.

“Mark,” Donghyuck exhaled.

Mark closed his eyes, before opening in utter fear. “Why are you here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end!! hope you enjoyed the special chapter :~) this was so fun to write!! this entire fic was a ride, i've had a couple of writer's blocks in the process of writing it, but i did my best. thank you soso much for the love you all have this au <33


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